It’s okay not to be okay by author Cassandra Farren

It’s okay not to be okay.

There will always be times in life when the big things dominate the little things. We’ve all had those times when life dumps a great big pile of chaos on our doorstep and like it or not, ready or not, we have to deal with it. Sometimes this is expected chaos, other times it’s a bolt from the blue. Both can be incredibly challenging, especially if we are trying our hardest to carry on living a normal life.

As frustration kicks in, there is a tendency to try and fix things or make it all better as quickly as possible. Sadly, I am yet to discover a magic wand for the ‘Rate your State’ 0 days when you just want to go back to bed, hide under your duvet and reappear when you’re feeling a little braver.

But while there’s no magic wand, there is an alternative, and I’m going to share with you what has helped me emerge from the duvet and pick myself up when it’s all hit the fan.

When your world crumbles around you it can be devastating. What makes the devastation worse is feeling out of control.You may initially feel angry, upset, scared, alone, frustrated, or a combination of all of these. As I

We are conditioned to believe that emotions are a sign of weakness. Were you ever told to “stop crying like a baby” when you were growing up? Or that you should “pull yourself together” if you showed a perceived emotion?

I have also done a lot of “pretending to be okay” over the years and I’ve come to the conclusion that the only person you are hurting is yourself. Your bottled-up emotions will come out sooner or later. You can only pretend to be okay for so long. What I do now is give myself permission to feel and express my emotions, and you might find this works for you too. If you want to cry, cry. If you want to sob and wail, sob and wail. Allowing your emotions to come out may not feel great at the time but if that’s what needs to come out then let it come out.

It’s okay to accept help

Why is it that we find it so hard to accept help? We will do anything and everything to keep going and find a way to be strong and independent, even in a crisis. In the past I have been guilty of being in the ‘I don’t need anything’ gang. I have now learnt that there are times when you need to swallow your pride and accept help.

It’s okay to ask for help

You may have had to read that last sub-header twice. Did you think, oh my goodness did she just write ask for help!? Yes, I did and I mean it. As children we ask for help all the time and think nothing of it, yet we enter adulthood and the “H” word disappears from our vocabulary. Once again I used to be guilty of this. I should be able to cope with the beautiful mess of my life just fine, so there is no way I will ask for help. After all, isn’t this a sign of weakness?

Last year I found myself in a position where I needed to get out of my own way and start using the “H” word. I swallowed a lot of pride and asked for help. I didn’t just ask for help from anyone, I asked my ex-husband! Looking back, perhaps I should have warned him to sit down first before I sent my text. Anyone would be shocked to receive a text from their normally extremely independent ex-wife who began her message with, “I need your help…” Fortunately, he did help, and I will always be grateful for this.

If I can be brave and ask for help then you can too. I used to feel like if someone helped me that I should immediately do something to help them back. I now remind myself that I help a lot of people, you don’t always have to help the same person you can pay it forward and help someone else.

Look after yourself

It can be tempting to try doing everything on your “feel rubbish list” when you feel rubbish but longer term this isn’t going to help. Going back to the basics of eating well, drinking less caffeine and alcohol and getting plenty of rest will make the world of difference.

What can you look forward to?

This could be going out for lunch with a friend, a massage at a spa or a daytrip to the seaside – anything that helps to focus on moving forward.

It’s not always easy but keep on taking one day at a time and don’t look too far ahead, you are stronger than you know.

Remember that your track record of getting through bad days is pretty good, you have got through every single one and you are still here now.

Remember: It’s okay not to be okay.

When life throws a big challenge at you it’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay to accept help.

You are not a burden, it is not a weakness to express your emotions or to cry.

Take one day at a time and always remember to look after yourself.

Cassandra Farren is the mum of two amazing boys, the author of six amazing books and she also works as a ghostwriter. When she’s not mentoring authors or writing life-changing books she can often be found relaxing by a beautiful lake or having a dance party in her kitchen!

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