Lockdown Day 11
If you can count, you will see I missed day 10 out. This was because I woke in an awful mood, I stumped around the house with no patience or motivation. I put it down to this dreadful situation we are in, but at around 4pm, my period started, and it all made sense.
So, Friday. A much better day and I got up and went for my run, for some reason it was a lot harder than it had been. I had to fight my mind, so I didn’t stop and give up early, was it my mood? Properly more likely, my period draining the life out of me.
I decided I would throw on a dress over my leggings today, instead of a hoodie and did a full face of makeup. I hoped it would brighten the day, but it only made me feel like I was wasting the “good stuff” by just sitting inside.
The problem at being at my MIL’s during the lockdown is, I don’t have anything to do. You know when you are at home, you can potter about, tackle the hall cupboard that’s bulging with stuff or go through the kid’s clothes etc. I can’t do that here, so I find myself feeling a little useless. I tidy up after the kids and I, make my bed and put away the toys, I even help with cooking the meals, but those only fill a short space of time.
I had mentioned before that we lived with my MIL for 8 years then we bought our own home, we had Cora while living there. She was 18 months when we moved out, those 18 months were tainted though with PND, server anxiety and a relapse of OCD. Other than those months living there had been fine, but when the black clouds of the baby blues eloped me, I often blamed the house and our living situation for my mood. I didn’t want to admit that I was struggling as a new mum. I have been finding myself have little flashbacks of those days, where I dreaded waking the next morning to Groundhog day. I’m in such a better place, but being here during this time has been harder than I thought. I am genuinely grateful for my family being around me, its just a strange feeling going back.
My MIL made vegetable rice for lunch, I wasn’t that hungry, but it smelt amazing and couldn’t resist a bowl. Again, I sat and watched my children clear their plates when I can’t get them to eat anything with a hint of green or onion in it. Seriously, how does she get them to eat…what is this voodoo?!
Cassius asked for bed, he’s now 3 and doesn’t seem to be wanting to stop his naps anytime soon. I find it all so strange as Cora hated napping and gave them up when she was only 14 months. I will really miss when he stops them, he likes a good long 2-hour nap, so I have gotten so used to that time alone.
When Cassi has been napping, Cora and I hit Disney plus, today’s pick is Moana. I like this one but about 20 minutes in am snoring away on the couch. This is my first-day nap in a long time, I wasn’t even up early to I surprised myself here. I wake to find my MIL has taken the kids out for a walk, and I feel grateful but also guilty. She loves the kids, but I’m their mum, I should be doing that. She shows no sign of annoyance when she returns, and I relax. It might have helped that dinner was ready for them returning.
I had made spag bol, but due to the shortage of tinned tomatoes, I have to use tomato soup, and it turned out lovely – really creamy, and the kids ate it! Score!
I take Cora to our house as I have a minimal load of washing, I want to hang up – we spoke to our neighbour over the fence, and she asked Cora if she would draw her a rainbow for her window. This is something the UK has been doing to bring some joy during this time. The idea is when people are out for their daily exercise, they will have lots of beautiful rainbows to see. It works, Cora loves spotting them.
She starts that while I potter about, I miss my house.
I end up watching some news while Cora finishes her rainbow, masterpieces take time. I instantly regret this, it’s all doom and gloom. I know I can’t keep my head in the sand during this time, but all the death rates and information triggers me something awful.
We post the rainbow, and our neighbours are so please with it, as they thank Cora she jumps for joy and is genuinely so pleased to have them put HER rainbow in their window. Made me feel so proud of her, she has done so well adapting to this strange time.
Its bath time when we get home, they usually kids have enjoyed bathing together in Gran’s large bath. Still, tonight, Cassius isn’t having any of it, and I have to scoop him out as he felt the need to attack his sister for just existing, I’m so glad it’s nearly bedtime.
They head to bed with no fuzz, thank god!
I run my bath and pour a glass of red, tonight bath time watch is How I met your mother, I love it. I find it so funny and great for mindless viewing.
Rory is still at work as I head to bed but pops in just as I was drifting off. I’m sleeping alone tonight, so I get a good nights sleep for work tomorrow.
I miss my husband next to me most nights but tonight I starfish the bed and the soothing voice of Stephan Fry reading the Chamber of Secrets (my fave harry potter book) sends me straight to sleep.
Lockdown Day 9 – here
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