LOCKDOWN DIARY DAY 2 – 24th March 2020
After last nights “chat” from Boris, I have woken up with that all too familiar feeling of dread and anxiety. I had gone to bed alone as I had been sharing a bed with Cora, but her constant moaning and kicking off the covers had resulted in me not getting much sleep since we moved in with my MIL. Though I was thankful for a better night’s sleep, I hadn’t woken up in a great mood and the pull to stay in bed and hide from the world was strong.
You see, Rory and my MIL were entertaining the kids so staying in bed, and hiding could be done. It didn’t help when Rory came in to say that our renovations had to stop. We would have to stay there until all this was over. Now, don’t get me wrong I’m very comfortable at my MIL’s house, it’s just MY house is my safe place. My little sanctuary that I can control in the times of stress and intrusive thoughts, this wasn’t my safe place.
After scrolling endlessly on my phone for a while, I decided to get up and go shower because that would make me feel better, right? It didn’t, I put my sweats on and crawled back into bed.
I started overthinking, I was coughing last night…I feel shity today…I have no energy..,” OMG, I’m ill, I have it!”
That’s it, I thought, I’m dying. I have the virus, and I have infected my whole family, everyone at work, everyone I have looked it… I’m a murderer. I lie there, frozen in fear that my virus had passed on to someone vulnerable, and I have killed them. I was a mess, again my mind fighting with itself.
“No, I’m fine”…” No, you’re not”…” you infected old June at work”.
Rory came in to check on me, he knows when I act like this, I’m having a day-long panic attack in my mind. I pour all my fears out to him, his rational mind trying to reason with my out of control one. He suggests I take the day to process all this (he knows me so well) and when I was ready, I could get up and get on with things.
I sleep, I sleep to stop the conversations going on in my head.
I have cuddles with the kids, they always make me smile.
I watched some of my favourite shows.
I then jump back in the shower; I exfoliate every inch. I want to scrub off the stink of this day from my memory. I want to refresh.
I cover myself in my best lotions and potions, and I feel lighter.
I make a plan in my head that I will get up and go for my run in the morning. I would take it hour by hour because if I continued to allow myself to feel this way after only 2 days, it was going to be a lengthy lockdown. I was going to end up very ill.
Rory suggests we start a boxset, one we would watch together at the end of the day, so we had some quality time together amongst this chaos. What did we choose? “The walking dead”, it only seemed right. We both love the show, so I decided to watch it together, funnily enough, it makes me feel much better. I mean, this isn’t as bad as a zombie apocalypse is it?
I end the night in bed with Kicky MaGee, listening to Harry Potter.
Tomorrow would be a better day.
LOCKDOWN DIARY DAY 1 –HERE