Home Styling Inspiration: 5 Instagram & TikTok accounts to Follow

Are you a house-proud homeowner? Our homes are meant to be a reflection of our personalities, mirroring our warmth, tastes, and styles. But did you know that by snapping pictures of your interior design skills, you could increase your following and engagement on social media?

We already know about celebrity influencers using their social media accounts to promote products and further their personal brand. Celebrity influencers such as Cristiano Ronaldo, Ariana Grande, and Kylie Jenner have millions of followers, engaging with their fans by sharing aspects of their life.

However, everyday people are now sharing their homes and lives on social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok. You’ll find a range of DIY projects, cleaning tips and tricks, and even some interior design inspiration. But what makes a great home account?

Here, we explore the home influencers with great engagement rates across social media, and how they can inspire your own home account.

Our favourite home accounts

Many of us share our lives on Instagram and TikTok. From fancy meals, vacation snaps, and our pets, the things we love feature prominently on our profiles. However, sharing images and videos of your home could be a great way to earn a following. In fact, some people do this for a living. Here are some engaging Instagram and TikTok home accounts for you to take inspiration from.

Home Styling Inspiration: 5 Instagram & TikTok accounts to Follow

1.      Holly and Brad: @ourfauxfarmhouse on Instagram

Holly and Brad run an Instagram page named Our Faux Farm. The page shares various aspects of their lifestyle, DIY projects, and interior design choices. With 1.1 million followers, the page has an impressive engagement rate of 5.93 per cent, meaning that a good percentage of their followers are actively reacting and engaging with their content. This demonstrates that their ideas are clearly popular.

The couple embraces a bohemian style of living, using neutral and light tones that favour simplicity without sacrificing comfort and style. Natural wood features heavily in this barnyard style open home, with oak beams, flooring, and furniture tying the room together.

2.      Matt Mellor: @mattmellorr on TikTok and Instagram

If you’re looking to see how the other half live, you may enjoy browsing pictures and videos by Matt Mellor on Instagram and TikTok. Matt, alongside partner (and also influencer) Summer Newman, shares tours of luxury apartments and homes across the UK. Matt’s tours include guides around Welsh castles, mansions, and even yachts.

No matter your home-styling tastes, there’s something for everyone on Matt’s TikTok and Instagram, where the variety of home styles display a range of aesthetics for you to take inspiration from. So, whether you enjoy sleek modern furnishings, classic character, or something a little different, Matt and Summer have something for you. With over 307,700 followers on TikTok, Matt receives around 1,230 likes per video. His video tours are certainly engaging.

3.      Sophie Hinchliffe: @mrshinchhome in Instagram

Sophie Hinchliffe, aka The Queen of Clean, has amassed over 4.1 million followers on Instagram as well as publishing three number one bestselling books. As her monarchic title suggests, Hinch likes to keep things clean. Keeping an orderly home, her furnishings follow a monochromatic style, with plush rugs, chairs, and beds, and well-polished mirrors throughout.

With an engagement rate of 10.29 per cent, @mrshinchhome is one of the most engaged-with Instagram home accounts. Her fans and popularity have even landed her a spot on ITV’s This Morning, sharing her ideas on how to keep a great home.

4.      St. Modwen Homes: @stmodwenhomes on TikTok

If you’re looking for some new-build home inspiration, where better to look than national housebuilder St. Modwen Homes? Its TikTok account is filled with brand-new interior design ideas that you could adapt for your own home. The way we view homes is changing, so whether you want to see new builds in Wantage or maybe even houses in Eastwood, all you have to do is jump on social media for a video tour.

The housebuilder has an impressive engagement rate of 3.55 per cent, showing how its followers are loving the various showhome tours and the  different interior design schemes.

5.      Angela Rose: @angelarosehome on Instagram

With 1.2 million followers on Instagram, Angela Rose is one of the biggest home influencers. Her home combines modern aesthetics with nostalgic elements. Her kitchen uses bright marble countertops and prioritises natural light in the room, while cabinets are painted in rustic forest green with aged brass cup handles.

Overall, 10.4 per cent of Angela’s followers regularly interact with her page, proving how her sleek style has inspired other budding home designers.

If you think your house could help you to become an influencer or boost your social media engagement rate, nothing is stopping you from snapping a few photos and videos and posting them on online. Share your DIY skills, cleaning tips, and favourite furnishings, and build up your own community of engaged followers. Who knows? You could become the Kylie Jenner of the home-owning world.

Home Styling Inspiration: 5 Instagram & TikTok accounts to Follow

Sources:

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2021/jun/30/cristiano-ronaldo-shoots-to-top-of-instagram-rich-list

https://www.instagram.com/ourfauxfarmhouse/

https://www.tiktok.com/@jettsetfarmhouse

https://www.instagram.com/mrshinchhome/

https://www.tiktok.com/@stmodwenhomes

https://www.instagram.com/angelarosehome/

https://influencermarketinghub.com/instagram-money-calculator/

https://influencermarketinghub.com/tiktok-money-calculator/

The post 5 Instagram & TikTok accounts to Follow first appeared on MUMFORCE.

I had forgotten I could make him laugh like that.

Grownups—real, thinking adults—reacting to me, often comes as a shock. My days are usually spent inside with a 4-year-old for conversation, where the funniest thing I experience is my son saying “fart” over and over. Not exactly stimulating chat…

I’m the snack bitch, the one who kisses the bump’s, the one they call in the middle of the night. But before motherhood, I was someone different.

I have hazy remembrances of that life. In that life, I put on fashionable clothes and a full face of makeup every day and went to work in a 5 * spa. I mixed with actually grown humans. We’d plan last-minute after-work drinks that would have us crawling home later than we should be. We’d laugh at each other’s stories, play pranks in each others treatment rooms, trying to catch each other out in the middle of treating a client. People would laugh at my jokes and take an interest in my life outside.

I spoiled myself pre-MH (pre- Motherhood). I got my nails done all the time. I changed the colour of my hair monthly. I would spend a whole day looking around shops and not just last-minute online. I had a fancy gym membership that I never used. I went to the cinema a lot. One time my husband and I spend the whole day just watching movie after movie as we didn’t have anything else to do. (The folly. The extravagance. All that free time.) 

In that different life, we spend every weekend dancing. Laughing at ourselves for our drunken antics, having inside jokes that made sense to the others around us.

That woman was a good friend; I would meet my friends face to face and not just sporadic messages on my phone. I now sometimes go numerous weeks or months blundering by between contacts with those friends – forgetting to reply. We’d sit and talk in local bars for hours. I was always up for a last-minute night on the town, dinner at friends, I was in an acting group, I was always looking for a new hobby. 

 I would be the organiser, I planned the group get-togethers, the host. I knew the best places to go, the newest places to go – I knew what was hot and what was not.

But now, a mum of two – organising their social lives and forgetting my own. I’ve probably got a top on that I’ve had on for the last 4 days, food (not mine) down the front. I’ve watched every Peppa Pig but can’t remember the last movie I saw in the cinema if it’s not Disney, I haven’t seen it. 

Sometimes I get little flashbacks to that old life. A song I danced to in the club, an aftershave I’m sure my husband used to bathe in and a sniff of alcohol that nearly killed. It takes me back to that young girl. 

I think that girl is in there, despite all the apparent proof of having children with my stretch marks, mum bun and lack of adult human connection.

Hey 20-something Gail, remember all the fun you used to have – I’d like to take you out again sometime. We used to have such a laugh – you loved a night out with the girls, it’s still fun! Come with me and have a drink; we can party together.

It’s on me.

The post I remember the girl I was before Children first appeared on MUMFORCE.

By Emeka Ikechi, Director, Vanity Studios

If growing your social influence is important to you, you need to think about the image you project. It is how you develop your reputation as a thought-leader, an influencer or networker.

What you say on your social platforms is important, but the very first impression have will be based on how your profile looks. On platforms like Instagram, it may be the only thing peopleuse to form an impression. 

So, what types of images do you need to grow your social following?

Headshots

The most important image you will need on your social media profiles is a good headshot.When people can see your face, they gain an impression of who you are, which makes communication feel much more personal.

Unfortunately, many people have terrible or unsuitable headshots for their profile: serious professionals do not have low resolution holiday snaps on their LinkedIn. This is a common big mistake. You need your images to appear much more professional. 

However, professional doesn’t need to be serious and boring. Bring your headshots to life by experimenting with different poses and styles. Perhaps your LinkedIn headshot is more business-like, but your Facebook headshot is a bit more playful. Try out different outfits to fit the mood of the image. Take note of what gets the best response, and do more of that.

It is also a good idea to keep your headshot regularly updated. If you change your look(haircut, makeup, facial hair), change your headshot. For example, at Vanity Studios we dress headshots to fit the season: perhaps a Christmas jumper to celebrate the festive season, but a bright t-shirt for summer.

Product shots

If you are promoting products, having some product shots clearly visible on your social media is essential. People visiting your profile or business page will want to see what you are selling, how it works, and where it might fit into their lifestyle.

Rather than shooting the product against a plain background, consider showing the product in-situ to bring it to life. Your handmade earrings may look great against a black background,but a stylish shot of someone wearing them will feel a lot more real and relatable. If your ‘product’ is more abstract—perhaps an experience, such as a holiday or an entertainment—show it being lived. Make it easy for people to imagine having or using your product. 

I often suggest to my clients that they model the product themselves, doubling as both headshot and product shot. It also shows that you personally use the product: it’s not abstract or a money-grab, it’s a product you believe in and use yourself!

Action shots 

To bring even more personality to your profile, consider doing some action shots. These could show you in a work environment (perhaps delivering a presentation), or they could be more fun and demonstrate who you are.

Do you love movies? Get some shots of you dressed up as your favourite superhero. Work as a chef? Let’s get you preparing some food. Put on medieval experience days? Don your suit of armour and get into the studio!

The trick with action shots is to make them fun yet classy. It can be very easy for them to look awkward and cringe-worthy if they aren’t done well. A professional photographer is essential if you want them to look good. A reputable studio will also be able to provide a range of quality props to complete the look. 

Whatever images you decide to include on your social profiles, the key thing is to make them high quality. This doesn’t just mean higher resolution; I have seen some terrible photos in spectacularly high resolution. Also bear in mind that most social platforms will limit file/image size or scale down the resolution to fit. 

Starting with a high resolution image gives you a lot more options, but merely having more pixels is rarely enough. Images need to shout quality, and this is achieved through good composition, utilising techniques—like depth of field—and setting up lighting to show your best side. Processing images with a few Photoshop touch-ups or effects can also help transform them, making them jump off the screen.

So, before you crop and upload that pixelated photo of you at a wedding, consider whether it would be better to get a series of high-quality photos captured by a professional. Good imagery is not just an expression of who you are but an illustration of how you communicate.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Emeka Ikechi is Director of Vanity Studios, a contemporary studio for photoshoots in the centre of Shoreditch in London. Since 2009 Vanity Studios has been providing clients with high quality professional photos and an excellent photoshoot experience. The team of photographers and make-up artists ensure each client receives bespoke photography that meets their requirements. 

Web: ​​https://vanitystudios.co.uk/

Instagram: ​@vanitystudiosuk

Facebook: ​@vanitystudiosuk

Twitter: ​@vanitystudiosuk

LinkedIn: ​https://www.linkedin.com/company/vanitystudiosuk/

The post Does your social media imagery need some work? first appeared on MUMFORCE.

I want to share my story of how I overcame some very severe mental health issues to create a business that helps other with mental health and supports the community.

I’m Maddy 36 from Southampton, I’m a normal mum now, but at the start of my parenting journey I didn’t feel very normal.

In fact I felt like no one would want to even be friends with a mum like me, they would think I was crazy, They would judge me, Mums don’t want to kill their children!

Or so I thought.

It turns out more mums have problems with mental health than is openly spoken about.

And my journey has helped to make it less of a stigma, and I continue to fight to make mental health something that people can talk about more openly.

From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by MADDY ALEXANDER-GROUT

Here is my story…..

After the birth of my first child Ben I suffered with post – natal psychosis which is a very serious and horrible condition where you think and sometimes want to kill your child.

I was too scared to leave the house in case I dropped him, but through sleep deprivation I also had visions of actually killing him, dropping him down the stairs, throwing him out of windows, or even stabbing him.

Genuinely the most horrific thing I have been through, and it took lots of counselling and mental health support to get me back on the right path.

My counsellor suggested that I started to connect with my community more and meet some mummy friends, which was in my mind hell. How could I tell a group of mums that I have visions of killing my son, and sometimes myself?

I really didn’t want to put myself through the thought of people laughing at me, or feeling like I wasn’t a good mum, I felt like a terrible one at the time.

BUT I forced myself to go to a baby group, and I was actually met with love and support, and people who understood, not fully because they couldn’t without being there, but I met mums who suffered with post natal depression, anxiety, ocd and PTSD and I started to feel better

I set up a support group on Facebook for parents who suffer with mental health problems, it was a safe space for parents to connect and arrange meet ups etc.

Connecting with my community saved my life, and the more I went out with these mums the more I knew I needed to help more people, I started to connect with shop owners who would tell me of their struggles to find customers,

From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by MADDY ALEXANDER-GROUT

I now had about 500 people in my Facebook group and I had the idea to create a discount scheme for mums to help them to save money when they support local, this would also in turn help mums to be out of the house more, which I knew helped with my mental health.

People often think supporting local is more expensive, so this way I was helping two sets of people, shops to get more customers and mums to save money on their shopping

The more I worked towards it, the more I loved helping small businesses and it actually became what I am all about.

I still suffer quite badly with anxiety but I get hypnotherapy regularly to help me with controlling my thoughts.

Since I started My VIP card I have had another baby, I suffered with pre and post natal depression and anxiety, luckily I didn’t have post natal psychosis again second time around, I used the business as a crutch and I just worked solidly, I found working took my mind off my mental health problems.

From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by MADDY ALEXANDER-GROUT

BUT I tried to hard to fight it and before Christmas I had a bit of a breakdown, I was just exhausted , I wasn’t sleeping because my little one was a bit of a night owl. Sleep deprivation is a killer for me , it manifests itself in so many different forms, irritability, Sadness, being withdrawn, not wanting to see my friends. And that is when I know I need help.

I knew I needed a holiday, so we booked some time away with my mum which did me the world of good.

We came back I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world, then ………

Lockdown!!!!

I instantly knew it would be hard. I am not one for staying home with the kids,

We are always out and about doing stuff and getting discounts, I only ever go to places that offer My VIP Card discount, but there are so many we are never stuck.

But for me it’s about showing I am there for the small businesses I work with.

I only use My VIP Card businesses for my services, or people who use My VIP rewards for their employee or member benefit.  I want to support all my people.

So when I realised that I wasn’t going to have an income from card sales anymore and no way to support my businesses I work with and pay my bills I panicked , I became very low and like a lot of others started to feel lockdown depression.

From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by MADDY ALEXANDER-GROUT

What the hell was I going to do? I called the bank, they turned me down for a loan flat out! And said I would need to apply for the corona virus interruption loan.

4 weeks went past , and despite chasing several times, still nothing. I started wracking my brain as to how I could raise the money to pay my businesses, and nothing! Serious stress!

All of the businesses I work with! How would I pay them? They have children too, I felt horrific, I just didn’t know what to do. I seriously thought this was the end. The business I had worked so hard for , the business that I had been through some severe mental health issues and come out the other side for was going to crumble and go down the drain.

I had a crazy idea to crowdfund and sell My VIP Cards in advance so people could use them once lockdown was over.

Having a project to focus my time and energy on was just amazing, and even just having a goal helped my mental health. The kids were around me all day, and with my husnad out working a key worker I was on my own.

I somehow found some inner strength and with all my power I dedicated a whole month of my life to fighting for my business, and I fought hard. I raised over 9.5k from my network, from people who wanted to help me, from the businesses that I work with and from the people who love what I had created.

Crowdfunding in itself made me battle with my mental health, I received horrible messages asking me why I was special, I even had one person telling me that I should donate it all to charity ( I actually did donate quite a bit)

I then went on to help some of the businesses that I work with to crowdfund.

I bought rewards from them to auction off as raffle prizes to help them to raise more money.

It all went back into My VIP Card to pay the small businesses we work with and help to make sure we continued to keep the advertising and all of the services we offer free for.

From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by MADDY ALEXANDER-GROUT

The range of emotions through lockdown have been mental. I have been happy, sad, angry, scared, elated , joyful, thankful, grateful , jealous , loved , mental (not sure if that is an emotion but throwing it in)!

Life as a working mum is hard enough but throwing lockdown into the mix has been super tough. I have been on my own with only a 16 month old and a 4 year old to talk to, the Peppa Pig theme tune going round in my head, covered in beans, wondering when I will crack.

Taking it out on my husband when he came home.

It made me realise that I needed to do more to help people so I am now doing a mental health first aid qualification so that I can help people with their mental health problems , there will be a lot of suffering and I want people to feel they can talk about it.

My business saved my life. I was in such a horrendous place before I started it and it gave me purpose I wanted to share this story with you, so you know there is hope.

Since starting My VIP Card I have won 12 awards, been featured in national press, grown to a UK wide business and even started to grow in Australia. We are now speaking to investors to help us grow even further , we have franchised so that we can help to empower mums to run their own business to help even more mums to get out and save money.

From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by MADDY ALEXANDER-GROUT

Maddy Alexander-GroutFounder/Director
My VIP Card myvipcard.co.uk

Buy your My VIP Card and start saving now! Don’t forget to ask about My VIP Card as an employee benefit! Get my Card!

Support your High Street and Advertise with us for free! sign up now 

The post From Anxiety to Multi Award Winner by Maddy Alexander-Grout first appeared on MUMFORCE.

I want to talk about creativity.

We are all content providers. From our Instagrams, to Facebook accounts, we have got into the habit of living public lives, creating material for the purpose of making people laugh, think and feel. Social media was created based on these basic principle of human connection, and we have collectively embraced it all. It’s been the making of us, and our undoing.

But what now? We have an unlimited audience, like never before. The people we reached on every news feed and timeline are stuck at home, looking to be entertained and to connect in any way. We have a captive audience. And creating content is harder than ever.

Everything we do online is creative. Every caption, photo, comment. And responding creatively to the things that happen to us is something we feel. Creativity is an emotional act, and has an effect on the way our physical bodies move around in the world. And our worlds have gotten smaller. On top of all the usual daily swings and roundabouts we go through physically, our mental burdens have increased, so it’s only normal that creativity has fallen to the bottom of our list of priorities.

I wish I had some insights into how to still, despite everything, keep hold of and act on those impulses – to make, and see and been seen – but I don’t. I also wish I had some tried-and-tested method of getting rid of the ever-present Little Voice that tells us our Value is somehow connected to our Output. But I don’t.

All I can say is this.

If you are a filmmaker but you are not on TikTok, that’s ok.

If you are a musician and you’re not doing live streams on Instagram every night, that’s ok.

If you are a writer and you aren’t submitting to a writing competition every week, that’s ok.

If you are a director and you aren’t hosting a rehearsal room on Zoom, that’s ok.

If you’re an actor and you aren’t in a YouTube webseries for free, that’s ok.

If you’re a maker and your work isn’t flying off the Etsy shelves, that’s ok.

If you don’t consider yourself to be any of the above but simply can’t face sharing snippets of your life online right now, that’s ok.

Playwright Morgan Lloyd Malcolm tweeted recently “Theatre is a live exchange and it’s very hard to create and write something when you have no idea if it will even be possible to make it. Just in case you’re feeling as frozen as I am right now.” This applies to all creative forms.  Creativity is an exchange, and it’s not easy to generate a rapport with an existential void. Trying will exhaust you. It’s much easier and more rewarding to play to an audience of one, so make yourself laugh instead. I started a flash fiction podcast for the sole purpose of writing for fun again. And if I don’t feel like doing it, I don’t do it. It goes without saying that if something doesn’t feel good, stop.

It’s a tough time to be trying to find joy. We are in the middle of an unprecedented global pandemic that has killed thousands and thousands of people. If you had the chance to meet someone who lived through Spanish Flu, you wouldn’t say “Stuck at home, were you? But why didn’t you just write the new King Lear?!”

You are still what you say you are even if you’re not proving it online every day. Do what you can. Leave the rest.

Cat Loud –

Cat is an award-winning writer, singer and performer from the Scottish Hebrides, currently working on screenplays, prose and flash fiction podcast ‘Havisham Kills Time’. 
She’s been a regular at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe for a decade, she’s toured the UK, sold out at the Edinburgh jazz and Blues Festival, taken work to Prague Fringe and in 2018, her apocalypse cabaret ‘To the End of the World!’ won a VAULT Festival Origins Award for Outstanding New Work. 

Cat loud – https://catloud.co.uk/

podcast – https://havishamkillstime.wordpress.com/

facebook – https://www.facebook.com/ThatCatLoud/

twitter – https://twitter.com/ThatCatLoud

instagram – https://www.instagram.com/thatcatloud/

The post Content in the Time of Covid by Cat Loud first appeared on MUMFORCE.

In mid-March, Mike Oldham started a brand-new role as Event Director for an international events company in South London.

He lost his job the same day.

As the COVID-19 crisis took hold, the events industry was plunged into disarray. Mike’s new employers couldn’t afford to keep him on, and to make matters worse he missed the furlough cut-off date by just a couple of days.

When lockdown set in a few days later, Mike’s wife (jeweller Catriona Stevenson) was no longer allowed to go into her workshop. So with a three-year-old boy to look after at home, their situation very abruptly became a worrying one.

Mike was determined to draw a positive from the situation, and with his background in radio production, decided to start a podcast from home. With all the uncertainty about the future, he decided to call the podcast What Happens Now.

He reached out to a number of high-profile people, to speak to them about lockdown, how their lives had changed – and to focus on what positives may emerge once the crisis is over.

So far, he’s interviewed BBC’s Helen Skelton, fitness influencer Carly Rowena as well as TV cleaning expert Lynsey Queen of Clean among others.

He is also using the podcast as a way of raising money for the NHS at this difficult time.

By seeking donations on his GoFundMe page, Mike hopes to be able to continue the podcast in the future, and with 25% of all donations going to NHS Charities Together he has already raised over £200 for the charity.

Mike plans to record 10 episodes for season one of his new podcast, while he continues to look for a new full-time role.

WHAT HAPPENS NOW? PODCAST

The post What Happens Now? Podcast – Mike Oldham first appeared on MUMFORCE.

Coronavirus has forced parents to try and balance work with childcare. The result is a mix of exhaustion, stress and guilt — and moments of genuine joy.

“Mummy, is that my friend?” Our three-year-old daughter is bounding towards me as I attempt to interview someone over the phone for a piece I’m writing, a sensitive conversation that requires some time and space. I did sneak off to make the call upstairs but she’s followed me. “Is that my friend?” She’s excited because the day before she spoke to her best friend from nursery via video for the first time since it was closed over the coronavirus outbreak; they showed each other their paintings and modelled their Elsa dresses.

It’s a confusing time to be a youngster. Just a couple of weeks ago, she was happily seeing her mates at preschool and going to the park at the weekend (but not the big slide, that’s too scary). Now she’s pretty much confined to the house, constantly being told to play nicely with her 18-month-old sister and watching Frozen on repeat despite our feeble attempts to stop her. The novelty of isolation is wearing off fast for all of us.

Like so many families around the world, my husband and I are trying to balance our full-time jobs with full-time childcare in the age of the coronavirus. Schools, colleges and nurseries across the UK were ordered to shut their doors two weeks ago, to all but the most vulnerable and the children of key workers. The country is now in lockdown, with households forced together all day long as we do our bit to slow down the spread of the disease.

We can’t think about how long it will take for things to get back to normal and for the kids’ nursery to reopen; all we can do, for the sake of our sanity, is take it day by day. And wow, are they long days.

As an aside here, I know how lucky we are to be able to work our jobs from home — and that we still have jobs at all in this terrifying economy. We know that and we count our blessings every day. Sometimes it can be hard to see the big picture and remember why we’re all at home, and I do have to remind myself of that.

Every child has their challenges, whatever age they may be, and we are yet to encounter the joys of school-age children and teenagers. Trying to combine work with the responsibilities of home schooling must be incredibly gruelling.

For very little ones though, we have learned the hard way that nothing holds their attention for very long. You may have grand plans of doing fun crafts together, completing a puzzle, setting up a treasure hunt. Most of the time, they’re bored within 10 minutes. This may just be our children.

The other problem is the age gap; maybe this time next year, I keep telling myself, they will play together in harmony! I will be able to leave them for long stretches and they’ll be playing a happy game together. That doesn’t really help us now, when we’re stuck in the house together all day every day and they’re at completely different developmental stages. The three-year-old loves nothing more than a jigsaw, but as soon as the little one sees it, it’s destroyed within seconds. She doesn’t mean to ruin her fun; she just wants to play too.

Setting up the little table for a joint painting session usually ends in tears a few minutes later when the toddler gets frustrated that she’s not allowed to suck the paintbrushes and our eldest announces she just wants to do “something else”. Meanwhile, I’ve got half an eye on the clock because in an hour my husband will relieve me (he better had do anyway) and I can take my turn at the desk that’s been hastily put up in the cot room and try to do some work.

We are yet to find a routine that works and not convinced that one exists. Both our jobs are full-on, particularly so in the past few weeks, and we both feel we haven’t got enough time in the day to get it all done. We’re acutely aware that childcare shouldn’t be an afterthought and that the kids shouldn’t come second to our work; I don’t want to be glancing at my phone while I’m playing with the girls, they need some proper attention. In reality though, it’s hard to switch off during the work day (especially as a journalist) and I know they deserve more from us.

That’s the overwhelming feeling at the moment: guilt. Guilt that you’re not doing enough for your children, and guilt that you’re not doing your job properly. All the time. I don’t think we’re alone in this. Over the past week or so, I’ve been speaking to a number of parents with young children — all trying to do the best they can as they navigate this strange new world, many feeling shell-shocked after the reality of the first week at home together.

Every family has their different schedules and ways of dividing up time, but all of the parents said they now had very little time for themselves, if any. Evenings are now used for catching up on work while the kids are in bed (one dad told me how he sometimes works until 1am). Employers are generally supportive, with many (like mine!) taking the time to check in with working parents and make sure they don’t get burned out. But that doesn’t stop you feeling pretty despondent about not being able to dedicate as much time to your job as normal.

For now though, we have tried to come up with some kind of daily plan that gives each of us at least some work time. This hasn’t worked brilliantly for me so far, I have to say, because the girls do tend to seek me out as soon as they realise I’ve left the room. My colleagues have got very used to seeing their little faces on video conference calls, as I try to remember the important thing I was going to say while simultaneously wiping their noses.

The first week they were home, we tried to split the day in two: I did the morning, my husband did the afternoon, and we swapped the next day. We found this just didn’t work because it was too long a time to be away from the desk — now we tend to do the day in two-hour shifts depending on what each of us has planned in terms of calls and meetings. Once the girls are in bed, we’re back on our laptops trying to salvage something of the work day.

We go to bed later too these days; partly that’s because we’re doing work and partly it’s because we can’t bring ourselves to go to sleep and start the day all over again. We cling to that child-free time like a life ring — but know deep down we’re only making it worse by not getting a proper night’s sleep.

Friends have different routines: one couple with two young sons say a mixture of one hour and 90 minute slots works best; they take it in turns to sit upstairs and make sure the stair-gate is in place so they can frantically get some work done in peace before the shift is up.

Another parent tells how he and his wife initially drew up an epic timetable for their three girls, complete with schoolwork, arts and crafts, cookery and exercise. This went out of the window on day one when they realised unscheduled client calls and work deadlines were getting in the way. Now they sit down every evening and try and figure out the next day from scratch. If they are both overwhelmed with work, one lets the other off the hook for a good three-hour chunk to get things done and then they swap.

The word that often comes up in these conversations is “relentless”. I had to type one-handed while messaging with my editor about the copy for this story, because the toddler demanded to be carried. Going to the office for work at least allows some variety (I miss meeting new people, lunches out, even the commute); working from home while looking after children is endlessly tiring and dull.

One friend says she used to love going for a run but has stopped now because she feels she should either be looking after the kids or working. “Then you go to sleep and wake up and do the same thing all over again,” she sighs.

Part of the problem is that we’re just not used to working from home for long periods, with or without children. The temptation is to work much longer hours because the laptop is just sitting there on the kitchen table, staring at you. There is always something you could work on. It’s a lot easier to separate work and home life when you can walk away from the office.

There have been some positives though: our girls are spending more time together than ever before (they’re usually in separate rooms at nursery) and occasionally I glimpse them having a cuddle or making each other laugh and it’s really lovely. The 18-month-old has suddenly got very talkative and will come out with a new word when you least expect it; I wouldn’t get to see that if I was at work. Our eldest loves nothing more now than to have long chats about the characters in her books — often I just watch her and think Woah, she’s growing up fast.

And the main thing to remember — and I often have to tell myself this when I worry their day hasn’t been stimulating enough — is that all they really want at this stage of their life is love and attention. I know they’re thrilled that we’re around all day, even if we are a bit distracted. This strange period of our lives will one day end, and I wonder if I’ll look back on it very differently to how I’m experiencing it right now.

The post I’ve Been Working From Home With Two Small Kids During The Coronavirus Lockdown. Here’s What I’ve Learned. first appeared on MUMFORCE.

If you can count, you will see I missed day 10 out. This was because I woke in an awful mood, I stumped around the house with no patience or motivation. I put it down to this dreadful situation we are in, but at around 4pm, my period started, and it all made sense.

So, Friday. A much better day and I got up and went for my run, for some reason it was a lot harder than it had been. I had to fight my mind, so I didn’t stop and give up early, was it my mood? Properly more likely, my period draining the life out of me.

I decided I would throw on a dress over my leggings today, instead of a hoodie and did a full face of makeup. I hoped it would brighten the day, but it only made me feel like I was wasting the “good stuff” by just sitting inside.

The problem at being at my MIL’s during the lockdown is, I don’t have anything to do. You know when you are at home, you can potter about, tackle the hall cupboard that’s bulging with stuff or go through the kid’s clothes etc. I can’t do that here, so I find myself feeling a little useless. I tidy up after the kids and I, make my bed and put away the toys, I even help with cooking the meals, but those only fill a short space of time.

I had mentioned before that we lived with my MIL for 8 years then we bought our own home, we had Cora while living there. She was 18 months when we moved out, those 18 months were tainted though with PND, server anxiety and a relapse of OCD. Other than those months living there had been fine, but when the black clouds of the baby blues eloped me, I often blamed the house and our living situation for my mood. I didn’t want to admit that I was struggling as a new mum. I have been finding myself have little flashbacks of those days, where I dreaded waking the next morning to Groundhog day. I’m in such a better place, but being here during this time has been harder than I thought. I am genuinely grateful for my family being around me, its just a strange feeling going back.

My MIL made vegetable rice for lunch, I wasn’t that hungry, but it smelt amazing and couldn’t resist a bowl. Again, I sat and watched my children clear their plates when I can’t get them to eat anything with a hint of green or onion in it. Seriously, how does she get them to eat…what is this voodoo?!

Cassius asked for bed, he’s now 3 and doesn’t seem to be wanting to stop his naps anytime soon. I find it all so strange as Cora hated napping and gave them up when she was only 14 months. I will really miss when he stops them, he likes a good long 2-hour nap, so I have gotten so used to that time alone.

When Cassi has been napping, Cora and I hit Disney plus, today’s pick is Moana. I like this one but about 20 minutes in am snoring away on the couch. This is my first-day nap in a long time, I wasn’t even up early to I surprised myself here. I wake to find my MIL has taken the kids out for a walk, and I feel grateful but also guilty. She loves the kids, but I’m their mum, I should be doing that. She shows no sign of annoyance when she returns, and I relax. It might have helped that dinner was ready for them returning.

I had made spag bol, but due to the shortage of tinned tomatoes, I have to use tomato soup, and it turned out lovely – really creamy, and the kids ate it! Score!

I take Cora to our house as I have a minimal load of washing, I want to hang up – we spoke to our neighbour over the fence, and she asked Cora if she would draw her a rainbow for her window. This is something the UK has been doing to bring some joy during this time. The idea is when people are out for their daily exercise, they will have lots of beautiful rainbows to see. It works, Cora loves spotting them.

She starts that while I potter about, I miss my house.

I end up watching some news while Cora finishes her rainbow, masterpieces take time. I instantly regret this, it’s all doom and gloom. I know I can’t keep my head in the sand during this time, but all the death rates and information triggers me something awful.

We post the rainbow, and our neighbours are so please with it, as they thank Cora she jumps for joy and is genuinely so pleased to have them put HER rainbow in their window. Made me feel so proud of her, she has done so well adapting to this strange time.

Its bath time when we get home, they usually kids have enjoyed bathing together in Gran’s large bath. Still, tonight, Cassius isn’t having any of it, and I have to scoop him out as he felt the need to attack his sister for just existing, I’m so glad it’s nearly bedtime.

They head to bed with no fuzz, thank god!
I run my bath and pour a glass of red, tonight bath time watch is How I met your mother, I love it. I find it so funny and great for mindless viewing.

Rory is still at work as I head to bed but pops in just as I was drifting off. I’m sleeping alone tonight, so I get a good nights sleep for work tomorrow.

I miss my husband next to me most nights but tonight I starfish the bed and the soothing voice of Stephan Fry reading the Chamber of Secrets (my fave harry potter book) sends me straight to sleep.

Lockdown Day 9 – here

Lockdown Lockdown lockdown

The post Lockdown Diary Day 11 -Namasta Inside first appeared on MUMFORCE.

This is the thing though, I see so many parents scared to say no to their little bundles of joy and I often wonder why? When did saying no to our children become a bad thing?

I grew up in a “NO” house, my parents used the words so often I always almost forgot that there was another option. I was the oldest of 3 girls and if one of us wanted to do something or get something, it was often a “NO” . This was down to the fact as sisters we were pretty petty, if one got something the rest of us would be why am I not getting something (you know what I mean) and to put a stop to it all, my parents would just say no. This resulted in me getting a job early on in my teens so I could get all things I wanted without asking my parents. Looking back, maybe this was my parents plan all along – don’t buy them anything and they will go to work!Ha!

We have to say no, don’t we? Saying no to your child helps them learn especially if it’s something that’s dangerous or not in their best interest. As parents we are constantly on the lookout for the harmful situations that could be dangerous to our babies and forever having to decide what is right or wrong for them. If we say no, we can prevent many awful things happening but also we need to find a balance so that our children can learn their own limitations.

Do I really have to ask, should we say no to our children?

Picture the scene, its one you may have seen a few times or even experienced. You’re at the shops and then you see it, down the toy aisle, you see a 4 year old having a tantrum epic proportions. You can see mum, looking hot, pink, flustered and helpless trying to explain that brightly coloured, over priced piece of plastic shit is not on the shopping list. As the shoppers look on, mum starts to panic that other shoppers are judging her parenting skills. The mummy guilt is strong, do you give in for a bit of peace or do you stand your ground and ride that tantrum out, in front of all the watching eyes? You see her becoming more powerless to her own child.

I remember I was scared of my parents, yes I still could push their buttons but they always pushed me back, harder. Today it seems like we, as parents are scared of disappointing our children. Its seems the tables have well and truly turned, children being seen and not heard has evolved to waiting on their every want, not just their needs. We have become so uncomfortable about setting the boundaries and rules that we have forgotten that as the parents, we are the boss. Gosh, I am so guilty of this, with my constant on edge fear that I will unknowing ruin my children’s life. I too have often given in to the demands so not to feel the dreaded “mum guilt”.

This is well meaning of course as we are more aware of the impact of childhood in later years, we aim to be more “here” for our children, more attentive than the generations before us but have we gone too far in correcting it? We have turned it to a real fear that by saying no/disappointing/hurting their feelings we will damage them.

Children have more power than they have ever had before, with that we have found that, us parents have become anxious around parental authority. “No” has somehow become negotiable, children are learning that they can stamp their feet and get their own way because mummy doesn’t want to experience the emotional guilt of modern pressures.

I am guilty of this, not wanting to change plans or give in so not to disappoint my children. My anxieties allow me to be manipulated by my children as the many guilt’s that motherhood has brought are overwhelming enough without feeling your child hates you…and you have ruined their life…forever! I feel doing this though I am reinforcing the negative behaviour that fuels these anxieties of mine. If I give in at every little tantrum then my child will throw one every time I can’t do want they want, it’s a circle of guilt on top of more guilt.

It’s easy to forget that my children are stronger than I think, more resilient than I think and are not fragile object that will be damaged by me saying no or changing plans. They will not have to have hours of therapy because I said no to having sweets or a toy that they don’t really want, in fact I am teaching them that they aren’t the most important thing in the world and that sometimes others need are more important than our own.

When we correct negative behaviour we are teaching our children, not punishing them. We can set expectations and limits on real life, let us understand our children’s feelings but let them also understand ours. There are many reasons why a child may not be getting what they want that day but if we openly talk and explain to our children the reason why, they will start to understand that somethings do just have to be that way. I do believe this can lead to more open relationships in later life. Empathy for others needs and to understanding their own.

Of course as parent we can only try our bests and do what we think is right for our own children, that’s our right as parents. Its takes a lot to get to grips with the fact you can’t always be your child’s favourite person, we forget that even though we want to be our child’s friend, we are their parent first and we are there to guide them in any way we can.

We may hurt their feelings but it truly comes from a place of love.

The post Why are we scared to say “No” to our children? first appeared on MUMFORCE.

My name is Helena and I write over at Helena’s Blog which is a lifestyle blog featuring babies, baking, books and beauty. I live in Aberdeen with my husband and our 17 month old son and I’m currently pregnant with our second baby. I’ve recently given up my job as an engineer and am enjoying life as a stay at home mum. You can find me on Instagram @helenasblog or on Twitter @helenasblog_ 

The Plan

Dylan was born 6 weeks early. I’ve always wanted to breastfeed and during my pregnancy read numerous books and browsed countless websites looking for breastfeeding advice. I was always expecting the first few weeks to be difficult – all the books tell you that it will be – but nothing prepared me for how hard it would be to breastfeed a baby born as early as Dylan was.

I’d always imagined that as soon as my baby was born, he would be placed on my chest for skin to skin and would start breastfeeding within a few hours of birth. That’s the way all of the books tell you it should happen. The reality was different and I think I will always be sad that I missed out on that special time, just the three of us, Dylan, Mik and me. Dylan was rushed to the neonatal unit as soon as he arrived and I ended up in theatre – not the serene first few hours I’d been picturing.

The First Few Days

Babies born before around 36 weeks generally haven’t developed the ability to suck, swallow and breathe at the same time so breastfeeding is almost impossible at the start. As I came round from the general anaesthetic, I was asked if I was planning to breastfeed. When I told the midwife yes, she arranged for Dylan to be given donor breast milk through a feeding tube and made sure he wasn’t given a bottle. She also showed me how to express colostrum for him to be given through his tube.

I didn’t realise before Dylan arrived that he wouldn’t be able to feed. Even as I was taken to surgery, I just assumed that when I came round and Dylan had been checked over, I would have him on my chest and he would start looking to feed – just like the books say but a few hours later than planned.

Instead I was introduced to hand expressing and breastpumps before I was even able to hold my baby. In the hours before I was deemed well enough to visit Dylan in the neonatal unit, I managed to express a few drops of colostrum to give him. When I finally got to hold Dylan later that day, we got the skin on skin time but he was too weak to attempt a breastfeed. Instead I started using the breast pump to encourage my milk to come in. It felt so weird to have to use a machine for that rather than my baby but if I hadn’t have pumped then my milk would have dried up in a couple of days. I pumped every three hours religiously for days and tried to get as much skin on skin with Dylan as possible using kangaroo care which was tricky as he was in an incubator for the first few days. My milk started coming in by around day 4 but I was only getting tiny amounts.

Everything I expressed was given to Dylan through his tube but I felt so bad that we had to rely on donor milk to keep his weight from dropping too far. I wanted to be able to feed my baby myself and felt guilty that I’d given birth before Dylan was ready. In the end, it took weeks for my milk to come in properly. It wasn’t just the fact that Dylan was premature so not feeding as well as a full term baby would. I lost 1.5 litres of blood during delivery and had been on labetalol for high blood pressure during the last few weeks of my pregnancy – both of these things can affect milk supply. Being away from Dylan overnight didn’t help and I was naturally pretty stressed those first few weeks in hospital which also reduces milk production. I nearly gave up a few times but Mik always managed to make me feel better about things, reminding me how much I’d wanted to breastfeed and that even just a little bit of my milk was so beneficial for Dylan.

Starting to Breastfeed

Around day 5, we started attempting breastfeeds while continuing to pump as there was no way Dylan would have been able to take enough milk to keep my supply going. Dylan was able to latch on but it was obvious that he was struggling to suck and swallow. It was suggested that I try a nipple shield and this made such a big difference. The nipple shield works by stimulating the suck reflex so Dylan was able to keep going and get more milk.

Over the next three weeks in hospital, we kept increasing the amount of time he spent breastfeeding and reducing the amount of milk he had through his feeding tube. We also tried feeding without the nipple shield, just to remind Dylan how to latch on without one and hopefully make weaning off it easier.

The first two weeks in the neonatal unit, we had to leave Dylan in the hospital overnight which was heartbreaking. He was being fed every three hours so we were in the hospital in time for his 8am feed through to his 11pm feed. After every breastfeed I had to pump because Dylan couldn’t feed for long enough to empty a breast. Pumping also provided some of his tube top ups and helped increase my supply. I then pumped every three hours overnight and brought the milk in for him first thing in the morning – it was pretty tiring but the thought of getting Dylan home kept me going.

For Dylan’s third week in hospital, we were given a Parent Craft room, thanks to the breastfeeding counsellor who was amazing, so all three of us were able to stay together day and night. I kept pumping but Dylan was getting better at feeding and we were able to remove the feeding tube 4 days before we went home. Dylan wasn’t discharged until he’d put on weight three days running on just breastfeeding.

Back at Home

When we finally got home from hospital, Dylan was putting on weight for a few days on just breastfeeds but unfortunately he then started losing weight. So we had to start topping him up again, this time with a bottle. I was devastated as I’d tried so hard to get my milk supply established using the pump. Dylan just wasn’t strong enough to take the amount of milk he needed to maintain and increase his weight. I was nervous that he would have nipple confusion and not want to breastfeed any more but the doctors told me that premature babies very rarely get nipple confusion and luckily Dylan still breastfeeds well.

The idea of the top ups is that because it’s much easier for baby to drink from a bottle than a breast they use less energy and therefore put on more weight. I tried pumping in between breastfeeds to get enough milk for his top ups but I wasn’t even getting half of the amount he needed. In the end we had to start supplementing my milk with formula.

Expressing

Seven weeks after Dylan was born I stopped pumping after every feed as it was just too exhausting and not worth it for the small amounts of milk I was getting. Dylan is better at emptying my breasts now so the main reason for pumping was to use the milk for top ups. I was getting so stressed out seeing how little milk I pumped and I tried everything to increase it from using warm pads on my breasts, massage and even baking lactation cookies. Nothing made a difference and quite often I could feel milk in my breasts but the pump just wouldn’t get it out. I think I am just one if those people whose milk won’t flow for a machine. I pump occasionally now, if I feel like Dylan hasn’t emptied my breast very well but I’ve got over my fear of formula so am ok to use that for his top ups.

Where We Are Now

Dylan gradually put on weight on after we introduced the top ups and we tried slowly reducing the amount he was getting in the bottle. Unfortunately every time we tried that his weight plateaued as I just wasn’t making enough milk. In the end, he was having top ups until he’d been on solids for about 6 weeks, at which point he was taking enough food that he didn’t need so much milk. 

Dylan is now 17 months old and still feeds first thing in the morning, although it’s just for comfort now. I’m now 17 weeks pregnant so there is barely any milk for him and he’s definitely showing signs of starting to wean himself. I’m going to be so sad when he has his last feed but I am glad I stuck with the breastfeeding as I have absolutely loved feeding him and the time we get to spend together, even at 2 o clock in the morning. It’s been worth all of the tiredness and tears!

We decided to see a lactation consultant early in this pregnancy as there is a high risk that I’ll have another premature baby and we wanted to be more prepared this time. I’m currently being investigated for IGT (insufficient glandular tissue) which is a rare condition that means it can be difficult, if not impossible, to produce enough milk for your baby. I think that if there hadn’t been so many complicating factors in Dylan’s breastfeeding journey, such as him being premature, this may have been caught earlier. 

While it’s awful to know that I probably won’t be able to exclusively breastfeed my next baby, at least I know in advance this time and can make decisions regarding top ups and pumping – knowing that no matter how much I pump I likely won’t be able to maintain a full supply. The worst thing for me last time was the hours I spent attached to a pump for just drops of milk. Having a toddler to look after this time round means I just won’t have as much time to spend trying to boost my supply but I’m glad I’ve got time to come to terms with it before baby arrives. This way I’ll be able to hopefully enjoy the first few weeks and months without so much stress about my supply. I’m looking forward to the start of a new breastfeeding journey with Dylan’s little brother or sister!

Thank you so much, Helena. What a great post, be sure to check out the rest of Helena’s writing.

The post Breastfeeding My Premmie – Helena Crosby first appeared on MUMFORCE.