BEHIND EVERY PICTURE – GUEST POST FROM SALLY ANNE SAINT
There is a story behind every picture and this is mine. I was asked to be part of a charity calendar last summer, a Marilyn Monroe style, white sheet project and I accepted.
I decided to step outside of my comfort zone completely by doing this as for many years I have felt like soiled goods.I was sexually assaulted by a family member six months after I left my partner. Weeks after the assault the root on my front tooth cracked and needed to be removed and for me became a constant reminder of the assault.
This non-woman really came to the fore, there were various things in the past, I was controlled, hit and the like but the assault was the one. As it was a family member the shadow was constant and I lost what was left of woman.
The path I followed to heal was something that has taken years, I held space for the truth, that the family member that did this was and is mentally ill. It’s not an excuse for actions but with mental illness comes a warped perspective, what’s totally unacceptable becomes acceptable through a warped lens.
Over the years I have peeled layer after layer off. Now, this is my end, end to this life lesson.
The photographer was male and as I stood in the water I asked for healing. I was safe, the female organiser was there, the photographer was great, it was for me to let go. In the sacred water, I allowed woman to come back out, and she came.
Since my mum passed in December 2020, she disappeared again, as we spoke before she passed of what happened, we cuddled each other and loved. For me, though woman disappeared again, as the family history came up. In food I have taken comfort in and the dark clothes of mourning. In the memories of what was, I swam in again.
So today I step out, the WOMAN in the pictures. It is me, it is woman and I choose to connect to healed woman now.
She is safe❤️
She is loved❤️
She is real❤️
She is healed❤️
She is bathed in light❤️
SO ARE YOU ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Our history teaches us, it doesn’t define us. When we choose to heal we are free, we live more than we ever did before, we appreciate what we took for granted before, we love deeper and are wiser.
All the above is yours, whatever has happened in the past. You too can cleanse and stand in the light, as a beautiful beautiful woman ❤️❤️❤️
Its time to step into MY OWN SKIN. Washed and embracing every single day.
My son was two when I was assaulted, now he is nine and I am truly thankful for the passing of time and the hands of healing that come with each day, as I CHOSE the path of healing.
Yes, I took action after the assault, it took me a year, but I pressed charges, every time I looked into the eyes of my son I knew I would rise, as he had witnessed the assault.
The more I healed the stronger I rose up. I spoke up, I stood as the family bombshell exploded around me, I remember shaking with absolute terror after I had put my son to bed one night, as the impact of my truth speaking reverberated.
I was threatened, and for a time my family turned away, as fear ate away at them and the lies of the assaulter wormed into their ears. I stood, I stood in the truth and I spoke, and my child gave me courage, innocent eyes and innocent heart, should never have to see what he did and I would not stop to right the wrong.
I know I could have hidden for the rest of my life, and for a time I did, but I no longer feel the need to do so. I recently posted on Social media my journey with the assault and the number of people it resonated with was staggering, I had private messages from women, all with similar stories.
The thread that runs through them all was SILENCE, the feeling of blaming themselves has kept the secret wrapped around their bodies and hearts. Cloaks can be useful, keep us warm and dry, but this cloak of shame suffocates.
Dear woman if you are reading this, know that you are SACRED no matter what has happened in your past, no matter what.
As I did, cleanse in the waters of love and truth, you are divine, drop your cloak of shame and allow yourself to open up to the world again, heal yes, take all the time needed to release. Admit to yourself what happened, there is no need to bury what happened.
WE RISE WHEN WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO SEE THE TRUTH.
You are sacred woman, sacred.
Sally Anne Saint is a single mum to an amazing nine year old son, she is a healer, Coach and writer. She is passionate about supporting others to embrace their truth, heal and transform their lives. She has self-published her first book, on Amazon called ‘The Mask’ and in it she shows the path of processing and healing. To contact her go to www.sallysaint.co.uk
Sally Anne Saint
Sally Anne Saint
credit for photos – Johnny Hathaway