Realistic Expectations in Baby Sleep from Jade Zammit – Sleep Coaching
When we first become parents, we do somewhat expect the long nights during the 4 th trimester. We
know there will be lots of feeding, frequent awakenings – but nothing really prepares us for how
hard it can be, and the expectations of what sleep looks like beyond the newborn days.
This is something I truly wish they taught you in the ante-natal classes. What sleep really looks like!
So, I’m going to give you some real insight and tips around sleep during the 4 th trimester and beyond.
Having realistic expectations is so important for us as parents, for our mental health and wellbeing.
It can be too easy to get caught up on what other people’s babies are sleeping, when really, we just
need to know what works best for our baby and their needs.
Birth to 4 Months
And did you know – that sleep is very much a learned skill? Even in the womb they are already
learning sleep cues? That lovely rocking sensation they have during pregnancy, helps set us up for
one of the most helpful sleep habits. Rocking, swaying, shushing and feeding are huge comforters
for our babies in sleep, and it helps their natural biorhythms and their learning in sleep!
In the early days, their sleep will be variable – in where they sleep and how long they sleep for. After
spending 9 months in the womb, in total darkness they also have no circadian rhythm in where their
body clock understands night and day. This usually improves by around 3 months of age!
We also start to see changes in their natural learning in sleep around 13-15 weeks. This is where
they go through a huge developmental shift ahead of that 4-month leap. This is where they start to
recognise how they fall asleep, and where they wake up – and if they wake somewhere different
their awareness is incredibly heightened. This is where sleep often starts to disconnect a little bit. I
cannot count how many parents have said to me, “they slept well until 4 months!”.
And the 4-month leap is by far one of the hardest. They are so little, and we do everything in our
power to get them back to sleep! The truth it – during development phases they are wired to be
awake. And often our efforts are in vain! The best thing you can do, is keep consistent and
responsive. Respond to their cues, and try not to change their settle rhythm too much.
4-7 Months
Once we pass this mark, we may start to see some longer stretches again in some babies, as well as
more of a pattern forming in their day sleep. Whilst cat naps can be fairly common up until 6
months, we usually see them start to settle nicely into a 3 nap schedule.
And what about night weaning? Many babies start to drop their night feeds during these months,
some may not need a feed at all whereas many may still need 1-2 feeds. This is perfectly normal.
However, if you have found that their night feeds have increased rather than decreased – I’d have a
think about their calorie intake in the day. If they are consuming more in the night than in the day
then this is a good time to start to switch that!
8-10 Months
These can be tricky months for sleep – with teething, development peaks and separation anxiety.
Often, we are also returning from maternity leave at this point – just to make that even harder! But
things will start to settle again, these are all temporary phases.
We’ll even start to see some new skill sets show in the night. Such as standing in the cot, finding
their own dummies and generally having more mobility!
They will have adjusted onto a 2-nap schedule by this point as well, which makes anchoring those
naps in much easier.
12 Months & Beyond
This is where they really start to go at their own pace. Most babies will transition down to 1 nap
between 13-17 months, and it will totally depend on when they are ready.
And when can we expect them to “sleep through the night”?
And what does “sleeping through the night” even really mean? Is it even achievable?
Here is the truth – when everything aligns in terms of their sleep pressure, needs and settle
approach – it is absolutely achievable! However, do remember that night awakenings are very
normal, and not all babies sleep 7pm-7am. As adults, we wake often too. And they are going to hit
different phases throughout the first few years of life which may temporarily impact their night
awakenings – such as development leaps, teething, illness and so on!
So, yes – it can align – but there also has to be a realistic expectation in those few years of life. If we
know their awakenings are more than average, or it’s become unsustainable then does that mean
we need to sit back and wait? Absolutely not! You can make changes to support in their sleep
anytime and get them to the best place that they are capable of sleeping. For some, that might be 10
hour nights for others more.
What you really need to know is though – that all babies are different. Some babies have high
sleep needs, and some low. They are all such different little people, and their personalities and
temperaments count for a lot when it comes to sleep and different sleep challenges.
Many are more adaptable and easier going, they fit into a routine easily. Others are very alert, easily
stimulated or more emotionally strong. So of course, they will need different approaches when it
comes to their sleep.
I have two children of my own, and they are complete opposites on their personality scale! What
worked for one, did not work for the other. And that’s the biggest message I want to send to
families. Don’t worry about what works for Karen down the road and her baby, the chances are that
your baby needs something different entirely.
If you’re feeling lost in it all, be rest assured you are not alone. I’m here for you anytime.
Jade Sleep Nanny
https://www.beyondthestars.co.uk/stepstosleepsuccess
https://www.facebook.com/jadesleepnanny
