Lockdown Day 14
After last nights news of the British PM being admitted into the ICU due to his Corona symptoms worsening, I’ve been a bit of a wreck.
It serves me right for saying I had levelled out my emotions and feeling “normal” again after the first few weeks of stressing.
It resulted in me not having a great sleep.
However, I still went for my run as I learnt last week that skipping the run and feeling anxious is not the right combination. I have to stay the rest of the time inside, with plenty of time to overthink.
It was beautiful outside, the sun shone, and I was a sweaty mess after my exercise. Still, I was already feeling the benefits of it. I organised my thoughts while I ran, it was just what I needed. My inner dialogue was reassuring me but also continuing to advise I must keep following the rule. As always, my mind repeats “I must keep my family safe”. Its now lockdown day 14.
Focussing my attention on something can sometimes amplify the intensity with which I experience that thing. When I bring my attention back to this Illness, I become more aware of the worry, the rules, the symptoms and the death rate.
I notice every mention of it and continually looking for signs of it. Focusing does help me to evaluate and monitor the threat. But the more I focus on the virus, the more aware I am becoming of the peculiarities of the symptoms. Unfortunately, concentrating on the symptoms can also amplify the intensity of that symptom and, in turn, create more concern about the signs and increase your desire to focus on the symptoms. Which I found out at the beginning of all this, I was sure I had it, but it was all in my head.
I have allowed sometime today to worry and process it, so I can get on with my day, but I can feel it lingering.
I showered and put on jeans! I haven’t felt the point in wearing them as I often find jean comfortable. Still, I decided I needed to make a bit of an effort today and jeans were how I was going to do that. I had received some vintage style tees from Joanie’s clothing and wanted to show them off. I don’t know if I can pull them off, I look more 12-year-old boy than a hip, stylish mummy.
I take my book into the garden; my son joins me, and as usual, my daughter refuses. This worries me again, but my MIL reassures me she is just enjoying activities inside. She seems happy, but I can’t help feeling she isn’t getting enough fresh air.
Cassius “entertains” me while I try and read my book, it’s a lost cause, and I join in with the water bead sensory play I have set up. They are pretty cool but god they make a mess, I ended up having to brush the grass to clear the many that had made their way out of the trough. I could just hear my MIL’s dismay at them covering her pristine garden, thankfully I got them all, and she would never know.
I felt I needed to do an activity with Cora since I had been out with her brother most the morning. We made our quick 3 ingredient peanut butter cookies. They are so easy to make she did it pretty much all by herself and was delighted with them. She shared them out with us all but made sure she got at least 3…she did make they after all.
It was now time to head into work, it’s so quiet. I haven’t gotten used to the building having no one but my team in it. I want to play music to hide the stillness but due to being on the phones, a lot it’s not possible.
Today has been a strange one, a day of ups and downs.
Today was the first time I really understood that we have to take this one day at a time.
LOCKDOWN DAY 13 here