Its been over 3 months since the UK went into lockdown due to the global pandemic. I remember the week it happened, as it was the week of my birthday and all plans had to be cancelled. I was sad I had to give up my plans, some of them had been made months in advance, but I was also filled with guilt for feeling so selfish when so many people were dying of COVID-19.

Life slowed overnight for everyone. People stopped going to work. Everything closed. Travel shut down.

The first few weeks, I lived in fear that I would accidentally infect someone, and they would die. I even had to take a few days of work as I was sure my whole family had it and I didn’t want to spread it. We were fine, of course, Not even a sniffle but I had convinced myself we were all sick.

At first, the idea of being stuck inside with my family had me reaching for the wine. Still, as the weeks passed by, I realised I actually enjoy this new life and routine we have carved out. It seems to fit our family life bar home-schooling (nobody has had time for that!)

I DONT WANT LOCKDOWN TO END

Staying at home has become the new normal. Our family has started playing board games and puzzles, gardening, baking and other pursuits with our newfound time we otherwise would have shunned.

My husband doesn’t have to leave the house before the sun comes up, I have enjoyed many a lie in (7am) and help with breakfast and getting the children dressed and cleaned. He’s at home before we go to bed and can help with feeding time at the zoo and bath/bedtime. I have had an extra pair of hands to help with the day to day overwhelming household routine.

I have been running most days, something I couldn’t go before due to lack of childcare at home. Its been fantastic for my mental health and I don’t want to stop. I enjoy long, leisure strolls with the kids. Finding, exploring, learning more because we don’t have to rush off and fit our life into a timetable of activities.

My step count went from 5,000 to 20,000 plus. I was getting a tan from sitting in the garden. I started looking better. I felt freer. I felt good.
I used to go shopping daily or browse before work and buy a sh*t ton of clothes/ toys/tatt for myself and the kids just because. I have not done that for three months, and I feel more in control, my finances are healthier, and have de-cluttered the house. My house is more of a haven that it’s ever been.

I DONT WANT LOCKDOWN TO END

Before lockdown, my life was defined by speed. Rushing around, living being at rocket pace was my norm. Keeping up with work and family responsibilities, social obligations (very few) and the latest keeping up to date on the world trends was a never-ending feat.

Many people are now noticing their go-fast lifestyles and habits are just that. Fast-paced, autopilot behaviours they do for the sake of doing rather than for the purpose of being.

So have a think, before COVID-19 does one: stop, review your habits, and ask this one simple question: Could I do without this?

I will miss my slow pace of lockdown life. I have been lucky; COVID did not hit us. I am in a privileged position to view this time positively. My typical day to day worries was put aside for a while. The morning alarm will have to be reset soon, and decisions for what happens next need to be made. Going back will be challenging, but it is probably about time.

I DONT WANT LOCKDOWN TO END

I’m happy sitting in my own company, and I’m entirely comfortable. I have enjoyed the slower pace; it gave me a chance to reconnect with myself. I’m coming out of lockdown surer of myself, more rested and far less anxious. I know who my friends are. I’m also fully aware of the many sacrifices people have made, overall, it has been a definite time for me.

No doubt some habits will creep back in—they always do—but I for one will be more mindful of why I do things, buy things, and go places now that I have been roadblocked by this pandemic.

Now that I know I don’t need to do the deed, buy the thing, or go to the place, I can just sit at my window and be.

I DONT WANT LOCKDOWN TO END

More Fantastic articles HERE

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UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET by Patrick Studwick

LGBT parents are suffering homophobic and transphobic abuse from their own children during the lockdown, a charity has revealed — while young LGBT people are being thrown out onto the street by parents who discover their child’s sexuality or gender identity.

While homelessness cause. by anti-LGBT rejection is not new, the context within this pandemic is, and so too is abuse from children directed at their own LGBT parents.

Teenagers who have never said such things before are now “lashing out” with hateful and abusive comments, Rachel Ellis from the LGBT Foundation told BuzzFeed News. “They’re trapped in the house, cooped up, and haven’t got anyone to let their frustrations out on except their parents,” she said.

Some parents, who have already experienced significant prejudice outside the home, are now blaming themselves for what is happening within it — unable to comprehend why. Despite years of casework, Ellis had never encountered this phenomenon before the lockdown. But, she said, “it’s something I’m seeing more and more in the past month”.

And that is just the start.

Organisations that help LGBT victims of domestic abuse, as well as a recent survivor of abuse, warn of an array of new dangers this community is facing under lockdown.

The charities said the threats posed by being shut in can be distinct from the general population, often detonating the intolerance that might normally lie dormant. As a result, LGBT people are now at escalated risk of violence, hate crimes, grooming, and in particular, homelessness, they warned.

“You’re dead to me,” were the last words one girl heard last week as her clothes were stuffed into bin-bags and thrown into the road, a youth worker from the Albert Kennedy Trust .

But when made homeless and offered temporary housing — as the government has said all now should be — many are too afraid to accept it, fearing anti-LGBT hostility at shelters or B&Bs, and opting instead to sleep rough, in a car, or at a bus shelter.

Other LGBT young people, forced to spend more time with prejudiced family members, are turning to sex work or what’s known as ‘survival sex’ simply to escape the house temporarily. Typically, this involves finding men on hookup apps willing to let them stay for the night, in exchange for sex — despite the social distancing orders in place.

Some try other means to escape hatred within the home: by going back in the closet, playing down their gender identity or sexuality, or, more literally, locking themselves in their bedrooms 24/7.

But it is not only the young. Middle-aged LGBT people are being forced through domestic abuse — triggered during lockdown — to go back to their parents’, decades after leaving the area due to anti-LGBT hostility.

SJ Wyatt, a non-binary 54-year-old felt forced out of their London housing co-op by a fellow resident. “She said, ‘If you don’t kill yourself, I’ll do it for you,’” Wyatt

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

What all three charities — Galop, The LGBT Foundation, and the Albert Kennedy Trust — reported was that demand for their services is higher than ever, while the normal options that would provide temporary relief for their clients — sofa surfing, sleeping in saunas, or staying out all night — are now suspended, pushing the vulnerable into even more dangerous situations.

“I was talking with a young person yesterday whose mother threw a hot drink over them,” said Nathan East, a caseworker at the Albert Kennedy Trust. “There is a lot of violence and I’ve been asking young people, ‘did this happen before the lockdown?’ and a lot of the responses are, ‘Well, before, I used to go out and have this network [of support].’”

Some of the violence was always there; but so too were the escape routes. Now services are witnessing a new phenomenon triggered by lockdown: sex work to temporarily escape. Normally, said East, when young LGBT people are in hostile families, “they will go and stay with their friends a couple of nights a week, or go to some queer spaces to break it up”. Now, with family members there all the time, the pressure is unmanageable.

“So they will go and do sex work. Use Grindr. Use survival sex instead of being at home. What we get a lot is people saying, ‘I’m emotionally and mentally drained, I can’t be here, I think I’ll just go on apps.’”

The appeal is twofold, he said: a break from abusive taunts or behaviour, but also a much-needed contrast — in theory. A gay teenager who’s told all day that they’re disgusting, who then goes on Grindr and finds a man who wants to hire them for sex at his place, can experience instead, “someone saying you’re great for the night,” said East.

One of the problems is that young people aren’t seeing the danger — their need for respite is clouding everything. “They think they’re in control,” said East. “That it’s OK, that ‘I’ll just do it once’.”

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

But the types of men offering a place to stay could be more concerning during a pandemic, not less. “They’re people who could dabble in more risky behaviour,” he said. And worse, “We have young people who say they don’t want to do things that they were forced to do when they’ve used sex in exchange for places to stay.”

Other LGBT young people are trying to avoid their families altogether, by spending the whole time in their bedroom, because if they don’t they’re assaulted, physically or verbally. “There’s a lot of emotional abuse — being told you’re worth nothing,” said East.

Hiding, leaving for a night or two, or running away completely, doesn’t always stop this, however.

“One of the clients on our programme is a victim of stalking,” said Rachel Ellis, a domestic abuse officer from the LGBT Foundation. “It’s cyberstalking from their family [who’ve been] tracking them for years, hacking everything from their laptop to their phone, so they’ve had to get rid of all technology.” For this individual, isolation and lockdown means being isolated from support services. “I’m barely able to contact them at the moment,” she said.

Trans people who have not fully come out or begun transitioning are specifically affected by lockdown, said Ellis, because many would normally have places outside the home to express their gender identity; a club where they could wear the clothes that feel right, or even changing as soon as they left the house. But now that’s gone.

Instead, spending so much time in the family home means for some LGBT young people having to spend more time pretending to be someone they’re not; concealing every giveaway sign from their anti-LGBT parents. But then they slip up, said East, and the results can be devastating.

“Our young people are now being rejected,” he said. “That’s something I can’t fathom at the moment. I can’t believe it’s still happening, that we’ve been as busy as we have been, that [during a lockdown] your parents would say, ‘Don’t be around here’ because you’re gay, or bi or trans.”

“Even this week I’ve had two young girls that have had all their belongings packed up in black bin liners and left outside,” he said. The parents of one of them gave clear, final directions to their lesbian daughter: “Do not contact us. You’re dead to us.” This isn’t his rough interpretation of events, said East. “That’s a quote directly from one of our young people.”

Deepite central government saying local authorities must house the homeless during lockdown, on the ground it is not easy. “It’s a long fight,” said East, who described the myriad calls that have to be made to the council: having to remind them of their legal duty amid the crisis.

When the call eventually comes with a place in temporary accommodation it’s “always the last minute” he said: the young person has to immediately accept the offer and travel there, or else be deemed by the council to have not accepted the help provided. But it can be many miles away and for vulnerable LGBT young people, the prospect of a hostel or B’n’B “with loads of people they’ve don’t know” when they’ve only known their family home — however hostile — can be terrifying when they are also used to hateful abuse from strangers.

“For instance I was up ‘til about 8 o’clock last night getting a young person housed,” said East. Rather than being delighted by the offer, “they were just absolutely petrified. They’ve slept in bus stops and train stations but they were so, so scared. And I had to be like, ‘Just go there, and if you feel unsafe I can advocate [for you].”

But because of the lockdown, whereas normally he would visit them in their temporary accommodation, “I can’t physically go to these places at the moment.” Even building trust with new service users is harder, he said, as none of it can be done in person.

There’s something else occuring though, that East suspects is subconsciously scaring young LGBT people when offered temporary accommodation. Up until that point, their survival instincts are in overdrive. They can even appear upbeat, as their defense mechanisms drive them forward, protecting and invigorating them. This heightened state prevents them having to engage emotionally with the horror of being rejected.

“Once they’re housed,” he said, “always it comes out: the whole trauma.”

LGBT adults living with abusive partners are not faring much better in the lockdown, according to Nik Noone, CEO of Galop, which runs domestic abuse, hate crime and sexual violence services for LGBT people.

“The crisis point is coming quicker and people are fleeing,” she said. “There is already a limited number of refuge places for LGBT survivors to access and this is further reduced now with hostels and some refuges being locked down. We’re seeing callers come through the helpline that are living in their cars to escape abusers.”

Abuse can be “worsened by additional factors at the moment,” she said. This includes financial hardship and “problematic use of substances”. In particular, “gay/bi men in lockdown with a partner who are both using chems; and that the use is increasing and the abuse is becoming more severe.”

But interruptions in drug supplies are also causing problems.

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

“We’re seeing a huge increase in alcohol misuse because already people are not able to get the drugs they usually take,” said Ellis at the LGBT Foundation. “And alcohol is so directly linked with anger and violence, so we’re already seeing more violence”.

For the first time, she said, they have a waiting list, due to “more and more complex cases coming through: a crossover of mental health issues, domestic abuse and substance misuse — or the ‘toxic trio’ as we call it.”

At Galop, a recent week saw “the length of calls around tripling”; an indication of both “the complexity of calls and that it’s not just about practical but emotional support” said Noone. Isolated from friends, stuck with abusers, callers need longer to talk.

The way in which people have been approaching Galop has also changed, with surges in traffic on their website of 34% one week and 64% another. When people do call, it’s more in the evenings, because perpetrators are now at home during office hours but often pop out for exercise afterwards.

What no one anticipated was the effect of lockdown on LGBT parents.

For Ellis, abuse by their own children is so new as to stun victims. “I have a lot of clients who come to me about familial abuse that they don’t realise can count as abuse,” she said. “I’m seeing a fair amount of abuse from children to parents.”

One of her clients, for example, “has abusive teenagers, often verbally abusive using a lot of homophobia,” she said. What’s heartbreaking for the parent is knowing that for one of the children at least, such anti-gay hatred, “is not how he actually feels, it’s just coming out with everything else; it’s frustration, anger and their own mental health issues.”

Those on the receiving end of this are reevaluating everything they’ve done as parents. “One of my clients is unsure if she’s done a bad job raising them — she’s worried that she’s let herself down, or she’s let them down,” said Ellis.

It’s part of a wider problem affecting parents of all sexual and gender identities. The victims commissioner Dame Vera Baird informed the Justice Committee on Tuesday that parental abuse by teenagers under lockdown “is a newer kind of domestic abuse,” that “is a worry. There’s a sense in which there’s a spike likely to emerge of this kind of domestic abusive complaining which is just coming through now.”

But for LGBT victims, said Noone, however frightening or confusing things are during this crisis, it is important for people to come forward. “There is still support, our helpline is run in the same hours as usual and we’re looking at new ways to provide help and discreet ways of accessing it if the survivors don’t feel they’re able to pick up the phone.”

Many of whom may never before have needed to contact such services.

“There are [LGBT] adults who have had to move back to living with families who are homophobic, biphobic or transphobic because of either health needs or financial reasons,” she said. “That’s another theme that’s been flagged [by staff].”

For some, in middle age, the hostility they thought was long in the past has now resurfaced, decades later.

SJ Wyatt — who is bisexual, nonbinary and uses they/their/them pronouns — had to move back with their elderly father, nearly a hundred miles away, because of the abuse they suffered from a woman in their housing co-op in London.

For six years, Wyatt, who works for a housing charity, lived at the south London co-op happily. It was the kind of place that tends to attract liberal, tolerant, progressive people; where someone who is gender diverse can feel safer.

But then the lockdown came.

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

“I was having to work from home in a very tiny room,” they said. One of the straight women who lived there, whom we will call Jill, “lost her job and her way of dealing with that was to take lots of drugs, get pissed and have lots of parties,” said Wyatt. They tried to talk to her, but it had little effect. After yet another loud party, Wyatt told the committee at the co-op that something needed to be done.

“She found out about this and then I heard her screaming abuse, saying things like, ‘tell that slut to get some fucking ear plugs.’” It escalated. “She followed me into the kitchen and started shouting and then started breaking the furniture, then ran upstairs and told me I needed to kill myself. And because she knows I have bipolar [disorder] and have a history of self-harm and suicide, that felt very threatening.”

Then the threats started. “She said, ‘If you don’t kill yourself, I’ll do it for you.’ At that point I was really scared.” Wyatt phoned the police who arrived, knocked on Jill’s room and told her to stop making threats.

But the next day, the abuse resumed. “When I was in the kitchen she said, ‘Why did you call the police? Who the hell are you?’ She said, ‘Snitches get stitches’ and, ‘You’re going to regret what you did.’ And then came up, leant over me and said, ‘Just kill yourself, everyone hates you.’ This went on for about half an hour. I was really, really shaking by then. I called the police again.”

But the police said they could only come the following day, and told Wyatt to stay locked in their room, despite there being no bathroom attached. When Wyatt went to get a drink, Jill followed her. Wyatt had a panic attack. “I managed to get back into my room but then couldn’t stop crying and she could hear me crying so she’s knocking on the door saying, ‘Go on, kill yourself, go on.’ Then laughing at me. I think she was high.”

By then it was clear to Wyatt that they needed to leave. They made a list of their friends, most of whom are LGBT and in London, but all either had underlying health conditions or had no space. There was only one option: going back to Bogna Regis to stay with their 88-year-old father who has a spare room that would enable Wyatt to self-isolate away from him, to protect his health.

“It was a real runaway,” said Wyatt. “I grabbed a suitcase, put my work stuff in and a book and some of my medication and then literally ran. In terms of clothes I’ve got three t-shirts, a spare pair of jeans and a jumper.”

Wyatt’s father is a methodist and from a different genderation, but it’s not living with him that’s difficult, but being back in their hometown.

“I’m living in a place where I ran from due to excessive homophobic bullying by other children when I was at school,” said Wyatt. “It’s not easy at all.” They know no one else there and get flashbacks walking around. “I still tense up when I walk down the high street because for many years when I came back I would still see the people that would throw things at me and chase me down the street.”

The effect of being removed from their home and the city that welcomed Wyatt is more encompassing than traumatic memories. “I don’t fit in. I feel completely out of place. I feel I’ve been dropped into being aged 13 again. I have to get out of here.”

Wyatt phoned again. The committee at the housing co-op had decided what to do about the complainant against Jill. The options available, according to their own processes, could have been to give Jill three months to move out, or to move her to another building within the co-op — there are spare rooms available — which Wyatt requested.

The committee told Wyatt their complaint against Jill was “hearsay, with no evidence or proof” and suggested an “acceptable behaviour agreement” to be signed by Jill. She and Wyatt should simply “sort out your differences between yourselves”. This, said Wyatt, is not possible when someone has told you to kill yourself and threatened to kill you.

Wyatt is receiving help from the Outside Project, an LGBT homeless shelter and support organisation. But all Wyatt wants is a safe home to return to.

“I am devastated,” they said, “and I don’t know what to do.”

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

UNDER LOCKDOWN, PARENTS ARE DISCOVERING THEIR CHILDREN ARE LGBT AND DUMPING THEM ON THE STREET

The post Under Lockdown, Parents Are Discovering Their Children Are LGBT And Dumping Them On The Street first appeared on MUMFORCE.

If you can count, you will see I missed day 10 out. This was because I woke in an awful mood, I stumped around the house with no patience or motivation. I put it down to this dreadful situation we are in, but at around 4pm, my period started, and it all made sense.

So, Friday. A much better day and I got up and went for my run, for some reason it was a lot harder than it had been. I had to fight my mind, so I didn’t stop and give up early, was it my mood? Properly more likely, my period draining the life out of me.

I decided I would throw on a dress over my leggings today, instead of a hoodie and did a full face of makeup. I hoped it would brighten the day, but it only made me feel like I was wasting the “good stuff” by just sitting inside.

The problem at being at my MIL’s during the lockdown is, I don’t have anything to do. You know when you are at home, you can potter about, tackle the hall cupboard that’s bulging with stuff or go through the kid’s clothes etc. I can’t do that here, so I find myself feeling a little useless. I tidy up after the kids and I, make my bed and put away the toys, I even help with cooking the meals, but those only fill a short space of time.

I had mentioned before that we lived with my MIL for 8 years then we bought our own home, we had Cora while living there. She was 18 months when we moved out, those 18 months were tainted though with PND, server anxiety and a relapse of OCD. Other than those months living there had been fine, but when the black clouds of the baby blues eloped me, I often blamed the house and our living situation for my mood. I didn’t want to admit that I was struggling as a new mum. I have been finding myself have little flashbacks of those days, where I dreaded waking the next morning to Groundhog day. I’m in such a better place, but being here during this time has been harder than I thought. I am genuinely grateful for my family being around me, its just a strange feeling going back.

My MIL made vegetable rice for lunch, I wasn’t that hungry, but it smelt amazing and couldn’t resist a bowl. Again, I sat and watched my children clear their plates when I can’t get them to eat anything with a hint of green or onion in it. Seriously, how does she get them to eat…what is this voodoo?!

Cassius asked for bed, he’s now 3 and doesn’t seem to be wanting to stop his naps anytime soon. I find it all so strange as Cora hated napping and gave them up when she was only 14 months. I will really miss when he stops them, he likes a good long 2-hour nap, so I have gotten so used to that time alone.

When Cassi has been napping, Cora and I hit Disney plus, today’s pick is Moana. I like this one but about 20 minutes in am snoring away on the couch. This is my first-day nap in a long time, I wasn’t even up early to I surprised myself here. I wake to find my MIL has taken the kids out for a walk, and I feel grateful but also guilty. She loves the kids, but I’m their mum, I should be doing that. She shows no sign of annoyance when she returns, and I relax. It might have helped that dinner was ready for them returning.

I had made spag bol, but due to the shortage of tinned tomatoes, I have to use tomato soup, and it turned out lovely – really creamy, and the kids ate it! Score!

I take Cora to our house as I have a minimal load of washing, I want to hang up – we spoke to our neighbour over the fence, and she asked Cora if she would draw her a rainbow for her window. This is something the UK has been doing to bring some joy during this time. The idea is when people are out for their daily exercise, they will have lots of beautiful rainbows to see. It works, Cora loves spotting them.

She starts that while I potter about, I miss my house.

I end up watching some news while Cora finishes her rainbow, masterpieces take time. I instantly regret this, it’s all doom and gloom. I know I can’t keep my head in the sand during this time, but all the death rates and information triggers me something awful.

We post the rainbow, and our neighbours are so please with it, as they thank Cora she jumps for joy and is genuinely so pleased to have them put HER rainbow in their window. Made me feel so proud of her, she has done so well adapting to this strange time.

Its bath time when we get home, they usually kids have enjoyed bathing together in Gran’s large bath. Still, tonight, Cassius isn’t having any of it, and I have to scoop him out as he felt the need to attack his sister for just existing, I’m so glad it’s nearly bedtime.

They head to bed with no fuzz, thank god!
I run my bath and pour a glass of red, tonight bath time watch is How I met your mother, I love it. I find it so funny and great for mindless viewing.

Rory is still at work as I head to bed but pops in just as I was drifting off. I’m sleeping alone tonight, so I get a good nights sleep for work tomorrow.

I miss my husband next to me most nights but tonight I starfish the bed and the soothing voice of Stephan Fry reading the Chamber of Secrets (my fave harry potter book) sends me straight to sleep.

Lockdown Day 9 – here

Lockdown Lockdown lockdown

The post Lockdown Diary Day 11 -Namasta Inside first appeared on MUMFORCE.

The three biggest challenges cited by parents with the #stayathome restrictions are: 
1. Keeping their mental health in check – 55% 
2. Keeping children entertained to avoid boredom and whining – 50%
3. Trying not to overeat – 36% 

THE ECONOMY & HOUSEHOLD FINANCES
78% of parents are very worried about the impact of COVID-19 on the economy. While 70% of parents are worried about the long-term impact of COVID-19 on their household income. In fact, 8 out of 10 parents have said they will definitely consider cheaper own brand alternatives when it comes to their baby essentials. 

Top of the list of money worries for 60% of parents is having enough cash to buy the weekly groceries. Next is the ability to meet their mortgage or rent payments for 56% of parents. Meanwhile, nearly two-thirds (64%) of pregnant mums are worried they won’t have enough money to buy baby equipment. A quarter of parents (25%) are also worried they won’t have sufficient funds to cover credit card and loan repayments. 

INFORMATION & GOVERNMENT GUIDELINES
Even with social distancing and taking protective measures, a huge 70% of parents are very worried that they themselves or a loved one will contract the coronavirus. Thankfully, 88% of parents say they are rigidly sticking to social distancing guidelines to combat the spread of the coronavirus. 

While most parents feel reasonably to well informed about the coronavirus, one in four parents say they are still confused about some impacts on their family. This number rises to 35% for pregnant mothers, of which two-thirds are extremely worried about going into labour during the pandemic. 

MENTAL HEALTH 
The BabyDoc Club insights revealed that the impact of being stuck in the house and not able to see family and attend mother and child groups, is affecting the mental health of over half of parents. While 9 in 10 pregnant parents are experiencing significant emotional distress worrying about the impact that COVID-19 could have on their pregnancy and birth of their baby. 

Staying positive during this time of restricted lifestyle and work is important to parents and parents-to-be. Four in ten parents are focused on putting this unique gift of time to good use with their family while 30% will stay positive through virtual connections with family and friends. 

SHOPPING & SUPERMARKETS
Two-thirds (65%) of parents say they are nervous of going to the supermarket with the COVID-19 pandemic, while a further 29% will avoid going in-store completely rising to 49% of pregnant mums. One in ten parents (16%) have already migrated to doing their grocery shopping online, a change from their normal behaviour, while 22% intend to try it out. Almost half of parents (46%) of parents are still visiting their local supermarket for groceries, as online services are either not readily available or timely delivery slots unattainable. 

Over half of parents (57%) are sensibly choosing not to stockpile their baby’s essentials. Only a quarter of parents (26%) are stockpiling more than a two week supply of nappies. Infant milk formula (21%) and baby wipes (23%) are the other baby items sought after in large quantities. 

COMMENTING on the findings of the BabyDoc Club survey, Laura Erskine a parenting expert with the community said:
“In any crisis, it is the most vulnerable and at risk segments of society that we strive to protect first. It is apparent however that those who have recently given birth and those preparing to do so in the coming weeks and months need more reassurance and support.” 

“We must be mindful that maternal mental health in pregnancy and new mothers can be fragile. The lifestyle restrictions put in place to help stop the spread of COVID-19, means that this group will have little or no family support during and after the baby is born. A number of maternity units have stepped up their visitor restrictions to include the nominated birthing partner. While the self-isolation required for pregnant and new mums will take its toll when they are at their most vulnerable in terms of hormones, sleep deprivation and the physical changes that occur before and after birth.”

“Now more than ever, we need to rally together and remember that even small gestures of help and support will go a long way. The practical, no-nonsense advice offered by the BabyDoc Club through their social media accounts on Facebook and Instagram will help to reassure parents and assist them as they navigate the daily challenges of pregnancy and parenthood.”

Half of UK Parents think COVID-19 restrictions are NOT STRONG enough”Digital technology has thankfully enabled us all to stay connected so that we may feel the embrace of our virtual village, during these difficult times.” 

The post Half of UK Parents think COVID-19 restrictions are NOT STRONG enough first appeared on MUMFORCE.

Everyone’s feelings are hard to put into words just now. A pretty good way to describe the anxiety now gripping the world during this coronavirus pandemic.

But saying people are scared of this new virus spreading around the globe doesn’t seem to be right. “Scared” isn’t strong or big enough to capture the kind of fear so many people seem to be feeling and it’s growing here in the UK by the hour.

It’s OK to be scared of the Coronavirus

The signs of panic are everywhere, you can see it. You spot the faces of daily commuters on the bus when someone coughs or the many masked faces walking the streets and don’t even get me started on the lack of toilet paper! And you can see it in the many excessive, and self-sabotaging social media updates some have taken to doing, scaring us even more.

I mean, there are plenty of rational reasons to be concerned. So far, 116,145 people have contracted COVID-19, the disease caused by the virus, and 4,090 of them have died. The virus is growing by the day, and we are yet to experience the full force of the pandemic here in Scotland.

The problem with most new things is that we aren’t very good at reacting to them, we are scared of the unknown. Its OK to be scared of the Coronavirus as society is historically awful at decoding danger. We are more scared out over turbulence on a plane than a close call road accident, even though we are told a car crash is far more likely to kill us. We turn our noses up at all the street drugs with a smoke in one hand and an alcohol beverage in the other.

“It’s a new, unknown illness, we don’t know how severe it’s going to be, and we don’t know how concerned to be,” said Lynn Bufka, an expert on anxiety, stress and cultural issues. “The idea that we can hopefully reduce transmissions through really good hand-washing feels insufficient. It’s not anything new. And how will you know if you’ve done it well enough?”

You can see why so many people are panic buying toilet paper, face masks, cleaning products and hand sanitizers. It makes us feel we are at least trying to be proactive in this situation.

Inaccuracy is a genuine threat to general public, but the coronavirus outbreak has made clear something that some have been trying to tell us for years: The real crisis we’re facing is a lack of trust in our goverment and a parallel loss of confidence in trustworthy sources of information.

Not everyone is reacting to epidemics this way though. Some people are being cautious – washing their hands for the time it takes to sing two “Happy Birthdays.” or any other song of their choice. Others are hoarding food and panic buying medicine as if a zombie apocalypse is coming. And some are laughing it off as “just a flu”! 

There is some good news, well for most people, the illness caused by the Coronavirus is generally mild, and the flu-like symptoms of fever and cough don’t last long. There have even been cases reported where the person has had no symptoms. The bad news is the virus is unlike anything we have seen before and highly contagious, and right now there is no vaccine – they are working fast to find one. The elderly and those with underlying health conditions and a compromised immune systems can become very sick and die.

Guidelines need to be followed; people should wash their hands, stay home if they’re sick, and keep away from crowds; officials should consider rescheduling or cancelling mass gatherings — You can find guidelines on the official NHS website for up to date information.

I know it’s hard, but we must try and avoid acting out of fear.

Keep safe guys. IT’S OK TO BE SCARED OF THE CORONAVIRUS 

The post It’s ok to be scared of the coronaVirus first appeared on MUMFORCE.

German Doner kebab first opened in Berlin in 1989, the kebab joint has gone from strength to strength and now has over 70 restaurants across the world. This is the 3rd to open in Scotland with one in Glasgow and Dundee.

My husband loves a kebab, me not so much but when I got the invite I thought he would be the best person to be the judge.

We arrived at 2pm on a Thursday afternoon and the place was packed, with lots waiting for takeaways which I took as a good sign. The place does resemble a more “higher class” kebab shop – it was very clean, and I liked the minimal styling. The kitchen is exposed just like at your local chippie and we could see the many staff working away like buzzy bees.

We were seen very quickly, no waiting around here and we were taken to the seating area at the side. This again reminded me of one of those late-night cafes where you see the ravers tucking into their cheese and chip but obviously cleaner and more stylish. The booths are cosy, and I would see this place as a quick meal option rather than a leisurely meal-time place.

With lots to offer, meals such as the original German doner kebab, doner quesadillas and doner burgers only cost up to 7.99

We had a look at the menu and there was so much to chose from and since I hadn’t really had a kebab before the wonderful owner Mark send us a bit of all the best bits to try.

The classic mixed kebab, doner nachos, doner chessy chips and some spring rolls arrived at our table as and when each one was ready – this helped with the eyes bigger than our belly moments, but we still had so much food on the table at one point we couldn’t see the table below.

So how did it taste, my husband loved it! Me? Well it was the Best kebab I have ever eaten but I haven’t eaten a kebab before. It was drier than I thought it would be which I liked, it wasn’t greasy, and the side sauces were perfect if a little dilly for me but that is a classic German flavour, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. My favourite was the cheesy doner chips and the doner nachos – they were LOADED with all the good stuff and I found myself filling up on them with not much room left to try the rest. We did take what we didn’t eat home (no waste in our home) and I can confirm it tasted just as good later on heated up in the microwave.

Now they also had Tango ice blasts!!! You know, like the ones you get at the cinema and you wouldn’t have thought it, but they really are the perfect accompaniment for a kebab. The blast they gave us was a mix of two I think, and it took me back to my teen years and it made my tongue a lovely cherry red.

We were in and out within an hour, the food was fast, hot and tasty and perfect for a pre-cinema date or belly filler before/or after some drinks. My husband left saying he was now a “life long customer” and as it was so cheap he would be eating there every day if his office was closer – see, I told you he loves a kebab.

So tell me, Kebab? Yeh? Or Nah?

The post German Doner Kebab Edinburgh – Review first appeared on MUMFORCE.

At the heart of Perthshire for 150 years. Crieff Hydro: the hotel, the myth, the legend.

Roll up our drive and into a different world: fresh air, friendly people, epic views.

Bring the dog. Bring the kids. Get everyone outdoors, in the spa pool, round the table – do stuff together, or do your own thing. And it begins here, with that first flutter of excitement: planning it all.

We packed the car and headed just an hour out of Edinburgh, straight up the A90 to Crieff Hydro for my daughters birthday as this is her “happy place.”

This was our 4th visit to Crieff Hydro in the past year and its a winner for us as a great mini break with the kids. Cora loves this place, and constantly asks when we are heading back and this was what she wanted for her birthday but to stay for 2 night instead of our usual one.

We have always opted to stay in the hotel but they have options for cozy cabins and lodges on the grounds too if you prefer. I cant comment on them as we have never used them but the hotel has always been great for us. Some are two bedrooms with an adjoining door. Others have a master bedroom with a little alcove offering a separate space for the kids. All offer peace, quiet and early mornings blissfully free from TV theme tune earworms. Different rooms are available for your needs, we have stayed in all the types available, this time we were placed in a family room that had two rooms, this was the best room for us so far because when the kids went to sleep in there room, we didnt have to sneak around the room or also head to bed early.

There is alot of FREE activities on site to keep you all entertained

BIG Country – two sessions of fun-filled childcare, included when you book direct with the hotel (recommend to call in advance to book the places as they book up quickly)
Swimming pool – with plenty of foam noodles to go round
Soft play – multi-coloured mayhem for kids, also a new little country has been added for the smaller ones.
Victorian gardens – meet Cocoa & Fudge, our friendly rabbits
Cinema – film nights are on us. My mother in law tried this and loved the whole experience.
Entertainment – in the mood for a live band? That’s lucky.

We used the Big country, the children loved it and the staff were lovely but they struggled to handle our “spirited” boy and we were called each time to pick him up early. So word of warning there, they don’t stand for tantrums or meltdowns.

I enjoyed the Victorian Spa this visit, its an adult only area and it was lush. For and extra 15 pound you get two hours or relaxing bliss, includes sauna,steam room, hot tub and complimentry teas.

There are a lots of activities on site that cost extra too if you fancy getting out and about including an adventure park and biking. We haven’t tried any of these but they all look amazing fun!

Looking for an evening with just the two of you? Well, we have a team of fully PVG checked babysitters here at the Hydro that have oodles of experience.

For just £15 per hour one of our qualified babysitters will come to your room or lodge to take care of the brood while you have some me time. Just let us know what time and how long you would like them to babysit for.

One babysitter can look after up to 3 wee ones if they are over the age of 2, and 2 little ones if they are under the age of 2.

6 places are available for eating on site or you can take a free shuttle down to the little hotel at the bottom of the road – we hear its yum!

Our favourite is The hub, Piccolo (pizza and pasta) and the Brassarie for something a little more formal but still completely family friendly.

We alway hit the Winter Garden as soon as we arrive for some homemade soup and scones, always a great start to our stay.

The hotel are extremely family friendly, one night Cassius was sore and I forgot calpol (rookie mistake) and they actually sent a member of staff out to get some for us…thats some service.

The breakfast is also a winner and Cora says its the best bit as so many yummy choices. She averages 3 chocolate twists a breakfast, ha!

We also took advantage of the adult only bar when we arrived which was quiet and classy, I may have sneaked in for a quiet glass of wine after my spa trip.

I highly recommend Crieff hydro for a mini family break, if your looking for something fun filled or a little more relaxing it ticks all boxes. We will be back soon, look out for great offers on the website and on their facebook page – this is where we have found some of the best deals.

CRIEFF HYDRO RESORT – REVIEW

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I didn’t think something like this would affect me like it has, but my heart dropped when I read the headline that Caroline Flack had decided to end her life and was dead. Be Kind.

Why her, though? Why was it HER death that brought the nation to its knees and chanting “BE KIND” when we see hundreds, thousands of young people take their lives every year? 

Caroline was a popular presenter, she appeared on many loved UK shows, won strictly and had many lovely friends in the media. The media were usually kind to her, they would offer to take aim at her love life and the fact “she couldn’t keep a man,” her taste for the younger guys, and the turmoil that came with her chosen mates. She was successful in all areas of her life except when it came to men, and the media ate it up with a spoon and asked for seconds. Gossip fodder, everyone and their granny interested who she was shacking up with, and they weren’t happy if it was going well, they wanted the juicy stuff, and then one day they got it.

One night, an argument happened between Caroline and her partner. Fights are standard, regular in relationships, and sometimes they can get pretty heated. I am sure we have all been there; when so much love, passion, and angry mix, it can cause some explosion. Caroline made a mistake; one had haunted her till the end of her life – she hit her partner in a moment of anger. I don’t condone violence, she shouldn’t have done it, I believe she regretted it as soon as the lamp left her hands.

Everyone soon had their say about the situation, her dirty laundry splashed across every kind of sharing media. She has nowhere to hide, she had done something wrong, and we were not going to let her forget about it.

She was forced to step back from presenting Love Island’s winter show and became a tabloid target. Her career looked as if it might have been over.

And now, harrowingly, there’s this – the kind of news that is tragic and stomach-churning but also anger-inducing. A few months ago, Flack had a bright future. Now she joins the list of young women hounded relentlessly by the media during a time of crisis, which seems to have become too much for her to cope with. The sadness of her death was surpassed only by the sadness of her situation and the isolation we experienced. I wondered whether her loneliness was a driving force of her premature death and not just an unhappy circumstance.

You might hope lessons will be learned from this – that we should think again about how we treat those in the public eye going through crises; that the press should reflect on coverage so intrusive that some outlets are busy deleting their own articles since her death; that we should all perhaps listen to the words on one of Flack’s final social media posts: “In a world where we can be anything, be kind.” Past experience suggests that this is all, sadly, wishful thinking.

Our sincere desire to belong, coupled with our fear of rejection, can trigger our vulnerability and override our better judgment. Sometimes it may only be that we let an issue fester with a colleague at work rather than addressing it. But the closer the relationship, the higher the stakes and the steeper the toll on our happiness. We know that many people feel powerless when they encounter bullying in the workplace, even when they aren’t. Likewise, a quick glance at domestic violence statistics reveals how many people – both women and men – choose to stay in abusive relationships for years because they are too afraid to leave. Fearful of what they will have to give up – security, social status, or the comfort of the familiar. Fearful of being alone.

In the last few years, life seems to have more stress and a stronger feeling of inadequacy. Modern life and society are slowly consuming our souls and deteriorating our health. Anxiety disorders are pervasive. 

 In a survey covering Great Britain, 1 in 6 adults had experienced some form of ‘neurotic health problem’ in the previous week. The most common neurotic disorders were anxiety and depressive disorders. More than 1 in 10 people are likely to have a ‘disabling anxiety disorder’ at some stage in their life. An estimated 13% of the adult population will develop a specific form of anxiety known as a phobia at some point in their life. Large scale studies have suggested that around 2.5% of people are likely to experience OCD at some point in their life. (https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/)

Despite figures like this, we continue to act as though the way we are living is totally normal, and the direction in which we are moving as a society is a positive one. 

What we are doing is entirely unnatural. Humans were not supposed to act like this. We were not supposed to be stuck into offices, slave away our time for money, to be able to live an unsatisfying and completely ridiculous life.

We eat, we sleep, work, we check social media, we repeat … without realising that it isn’t real and ultimately unsatisfying. 

While you may never have found yourself in a situation as extreme as this, there’s a lesson here for us all: Not believing in our own innate worthiness can cause us to settle for far less than we want, need, or deserve. At home. At work. In business. In life. It also affirms the truth in the adage: you teach people how to treat you. Be Kind

Whatever the current state of your personal or professional relationships, take a moment to consider where you sometimes stay silent rather than speaking up to make a stand for yourself. Or where you tolerate being treated in ways that leave you hurt, frustrated, resentful, or undervalued. It may not seem like a big deal, but over time, we teach people how to treat us. It’s why bullies prey on those they can get away with bullying. In the end, we understand what we tolerate. Be Kind.

So, own your worth. Speak your truth. Treat others with respect and refuse to tolerate being treated with anything less yourself.

References

https://www.forbes.com/sites/margiewarrell/2015/05/17/stand-up-for-yourself-you-teach-people-how-to-treat-you/#54b5428e2638

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2020/feb/16/caroline-flack-the-sparky-presenters-death-is-a-stomach-churning-shock

https://medium.com/the-philosophers-stone/modern-life-is-killing-you-heres-how-to-stop-that-e8b034dd38fd

The post #BeKind: can Caroline Flack’s final plea be more than just a hashtag? first appeared on MUMFORCE.

Many have now been displaced multiple times and lost everything.

At this time of year, Syrian families could face temperatures as low as -10 degrees without proper weather-proof clothing and shelter.

Many families will face additional health risks such as hypothermia as they cannot keep warm and access to health care is limited.

To help deliver emergency relief to families, UNHCR has now launched #BelowZero, a campaign calling on supporters across the UK to donate to its Winter Emergency Appeal.

Public support will help displaced families access essential relief items such as high-thermal blankets, plastic sheets and warm clothing, as well as kits to help with repairing and waterproofing refugee shelters Syrian refugee families are enduring another winter far from home in camps and makeshift settlements, where keeping their children’s shoes and clothes dry is a ‘living nightmare’.

For many this is the ninth consecutive winter they will spend away from home and for some children living in these conditions is all they have ever known the conditions are truly harrowing. No family and least of all child, should ever be subject to such circumstances with few opportunities to earn an income, almost nine out of ten households are indebted and unable to cover basic needs such as food, health and shelter.

At this time of year, Syrian families could face temperatures as low as -10 degrees without proper weather-proof clothing and shelter. In addition, many families will face additional health risks such as hypothermia as they cannot keep warm and access to health care is limited.

UNHCR’s aid efforts include deliveries of core winter relief items such as high-thermal blankets, plastic sheets and warm clothing and repairing and waterproofing refugee shelters.

Aisha’s Story

Aisha and her family live in one of the 850 informal settlements that have sprung up in the Bekaa Valley, in eastern Lebanon, since the start of the war. When winter storms hit refugee settlements in Lebanon last January, icy cold, muddy water flooded into shelters, damaging the precious few clothes and belongings of many families.

Heavy snow closed roads and left thousands of families isolated, while many tents collapsed or blew away in the strong icy winds.

Aisha said: “We were really scared of the storm, my husband had to go on the roof every hour to clear the snow and I was worried he would fall. UNHCR took care of us, giving us blankets, plastic sheeting and a warm stove.”

In response to the storm, UNHCR teams relocated families to dry ground and distributed relief items like blankets and fresh mattresses. Stoves and fuel helped families to warm themselves up, dry their clothes and cook hot meals. Emergency shelter materials helped refugees reinforce their homes against further rain and wind.

How to donate?

· Donate online: www.unhcr.org/belowzero

· Text WARMTH to 70025 to donate £10

How will donations help?

· £6 will buy three warm sleeping mats for a family

· £9 will buy a warm sleeping bag for a family

· £12 will buy a warm winter jacket

· £30 can buy fleece blankets for a family of five

· £57 can cover an emergency winter payment (to help buy fuel, medicine, winter clothing)

· £75 can buy a winter survival kit (blanket, sleeping mat, warm jacket, stove and fuel)

With your support, UNHCR can continue to provide shelter, safety and life-saving aid to

innocent families struggling to survive. Please donate today by phone, text or online – see details below.

For more information visit www.unhcr.org/belowzero

The post Winter Appeal and helping to raise awareness about the UNHCR #BelowZero campaign. first appeared on MUMFORCE.

This is the thing though, I see so many parents scared to say no to their little bundles of joy and I often wonder why? When did saying no to our children become a bad thing?

I grew up in a “NO” house, my parents used the words so often I always almost forgot that there was another option. I was the oldest of 3 girls and if one of us wanted to do something or get something, it was often a “NO” . This was down to the fact as sisters we were pretty petty, if one got something the rest of us would be why am I not getting something (you know what I mean) and to put a stop to it all, my parents would just say no. This resulted in me getting a job early on in my teens so I could get all things I wanted without asking my parents. Looking back, maybe this was my parents plan all along – don’t buy them anything and they will go to work!Ha!

We have to say no, don’t we? Saying no to your child helps them learn especially if it’s something that’s dangerous or not in their best interest. As parents we are constantly on the lookout for the harmful situations that could be dangerous to our babies and forever having to decide what is right or wrong for them. If we say no, we can prevent many awful things happening but also we need to find a balance so that our children can learn their own limitations.

Do I really have to ask, should we say no to our children?

Picture the scene, its one you may have seen a few times or even experienced. You’re at the shops and then you see it, down the toy aisle, you see a 4 year old having a tantrum epic proportions. You can see mum, looking hot, pink, flustered and helpless trying to explain that brightly coloured, over priced piece of plastic shit is not on the shopping list. As the shoppers look on, mum starts to panic that other shoppers are judging her parenting skills. The mummy guilt is strong, do you give in for a bit of peace or do you stand your ground and ride that tantrum out, in front of all the watching eyes? You see her becoming more powerless to her own child.

I remember I was scared of my parents, yes I still could push their buttons but they always pushed me back, harder. Today it seems like we, as parents are scared of disappointing our children. Its seems the tables have well and truly turned, children being seen and not heard has evolved to waiting on their every want, not just their needs. We have become so uncomfortable about setting the boundaries and rules that we have forgotten that as the parents, we are the boss. Gosh, I am so guilty of this, with my constant on edge fear that I will unknowing ruin my children’s life. I too have often given in to the demands so not to feel the dreaded “mum guilt”.

This is well meaning of course as we are more aware of the impact of childhood in later years, we aim to be more “here” for our children, more attentive than the generations before us but have we gone too far in correcting it? We have turned it to a real fear that by saying no/disappointing/hurting their feelings we will damage them.

Children have more power than they have ever had before, with that we have found that, us parents have become anxious around parental authority. “No” has somehow become negotiable, children are learning that they can stamp their feet and get their own way because mummy doesn’t want to experience the emotional guilt of modern pressures.

I am guilty of this, not wanting to change plans or give in so not to disappoint my children. My anxieties allow me to be manipulated by my children as the many guilt’s that motherhood has brought are overwhelming enough without feeling your child hates you…and you have ruined their life…forever! I feel doing this though I am reinforcing the negative behaviour that fuels these anxieties of mine. If I give in at every little tantrum then my child will throw one every time I can’t do want they want, it’s a circle of guilt on top of more guilt.

It’s easy to forget that my children are stronger than I think, more resilient than I think and are not fragile object that will be damaged by me saying no or changing plans. They will not have to have hours of therapy because I said no to having sweets or a toy that they don’t really want, in fact I am teaching them that they aren’t the most important thing in the world and that sometimes others need are more important than our own.

When we correct negative behaviour we are teaching our children, not punishing them. We can set expectations and limits on real life, let us understand our children’s feelings but let them also understand ours. There are many reasons why a child may not be getting what they want that day but if we openly talk and explain to our children the reason why, they will start to understand that somethings do just have to be that way. I do believe this can lead to more open relationships in later life. Empathy for others needs and to understanding their own.

Of course as parent we can only try our bests and do what we think is right for our own children, that’s our right as parents. Its takes a lot to get to grips with the fact you can’t always be your child’s favourite person, we forget that even though we want to be our child’s friend, we are their parent first and we are there to guide them in any way we can.

We may hurt their feelings but it truly comes from a place of love.

The post Why are we scared to say “No” to our children? first appeared on MUMFORCE.