LOCKDOWN DIARY DAY 7 -Namasta Inside
Lockdown Diary Day 7
No, you haven’t lost it and missed 5 days of the lockdown diary, I haven’t written them so don’t go looking for them as you won’t find them.
I thought I could write them in bulk instead at the end of the day. However, sadly my old baby brain (can I still use that excuse 3 years post-partum)? Makes it impossible to remember when I last had a pee, let alone what I have been doing the last week – so here I am, deciding to just write at the end of each day. Much easier!
So today marks one whole week of “lockdown“. I say this very lightly as even though the streets are a lot quieter, people still don’t seem to be taking it all very seriously. We are again seeing groups enjoying the open spaces with around 10,000 other people who have decided now is the time to start going outside. This is after spending the last decade at home binge-watching or on their phones- come on guys, it’s straightforward – STAY AT HOME!
I woke late this morning, the clock said 8.30am, but due to the clocks going forward yesterday I guess it’s my usual 7.30am. I feel good, I slept so well, and it cemented how bad I have been sleeping the last week. I hadn’t even listened to Harry Potter to try and nod off; I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Lockdown Diary Day 7
I planned to go for my run as soon as I woke, and I was sticking to that. I headed downstairs, and Rory was already working away. The kids munching their 3rd chocolate brioche of the day (this is their diet staple, long live the brioche)! They greeted me with their chocolate smeared faces, it looked like everyone was in a good mood too.
I had washed my running gear yesterday and forgot it was hanging out, I was thankful that they were dry as I would have been sore if I couldn’t have gone for my run because I had stupidly forgotten to take them in. The world was on my side, and it hadn’t rained.
I restarted the C25K, and this was week 3. I had used it to start running this time last year and was so surprised how well it worked at making me a runner again. I hadn’t been running regularly during winter as I don’t like running in the dark. I thought I would use the time to restart the C25K again and its been a breeze though I do like Jo Whiley telling me I’m brilliant while I run. HA!
It is such a beautiful day, running in the sun makes me so happy. It makes it much more enjoyable, and I found myself running even when the app told me to rest. I was feeling energised after my sleep and the bright weather. Spring has finally arrived after the most protracted, wettest winters.
The park is busy, busier than usual but I guess all the city workers are at home now. No dog walkers, they have to do that themselves and also getting their “one type of exercise a day”. So many runners too, I guess they have the same idea.
I head home, feeling good. I am happy with the progress and grateful that I woke in a good mood, I had too many ups, and downs last week it was exhausting. My mind is clear after fighting non-stop for days. There are two lions inside of me battling to see who will take over. One is negative— full of anger, envy, resentment, greed, sorrow, judgment, inferiority, criticism, and doubt. The other lion is excellent — full of joy, appreciation, love, kindness, empathy, understanding, confidence, compassion, and clarity.
This fight is going inside of me. Even if I don’t always notice it.
Running helps tame the negative thoughts, they never go away but don’t cause me pain and suffering as I have neutralised them.
I shower, do my makeup and hair. I must make a video from a corona testimonial project. Though it’s a pleasure to be asked, I always find these tasks anxious inducing, I hate the idea of not reaching the expectations. I’m not a natural when it comes to these kinds of things though I try, I talk to the camera for 45 minutes until I’m happy with what I have said. I email it in and let them know I will redo it if they want…I wish I wasn’t so pathetic at these things, but it’s still a new game for me, I’ll get there.
It’s now coming up to 12pm, and I haven’t eaten anything, defiantly not like me. I make a meatball sub with the leftovers from last night and it was delish! I hate to admit this, but I usually eat McDonald’s on a Monday or Tuesday due to working backshift, and I am missing it. I didn’t realise how addicted to it I am. I watched “Super-size me” last week, you know the documentary about how awful McDonalds is and all it did was make me want it even more…what a sicko!
I’m heading to work soon, it’s nice to get out of the house and have a purpose. Still, while making lolly stick houses with Cora, my husband asked if I was glad about it and I replied, “I’d rather be doing anything but”. It’s not that I hate my job, I just like being at home, especially when all my family are there, a bit like FOMO but knowing it would be more stressful than work.
I had a little chat with Cora while we glued sticks, she has been complaining of a sore tummy over the weekend, and I know this can be a sign of anxiety in children. Her hands are raw with her washing them, and she is refusing to even step outside into the garden.
She whispered to me that the virus was scaring her and she was trying to keep everyone safe (oh god, she is a mini-me).
It breaks my heart.
I know exactly how she feels, and it kills me to see my little six-year-old with the same worries as me. I have tried so hard to not project my fears onto them, but it looks like I have failed. I will have to nip this in the bud quickly, she can’t feel this way, she’s too young to have this kind of worry. Any tips, hints or well, anything will be much appreciated.
I drive in listening to music, the roads in the city centre are quiet, and it takes half the time to get in. I miss walking through the city and having a nosy in the shops…and grabbing a burger, did I mention I’m missing Big Mac’s?!
The night finishes with more walking dead and a cuddle with the husband.
Today has been a good day.
LOCKDOWN DIARY DAY 7
You can see my other LOCKDOWN diary entries here